The Republic of Brooke

Evolution

2010-05-24T07:00:00.000-07:00

By now, you all know I've become obsessed with all things crossfit and paleo. I could talk about it for days and days. I could incessantly blog about it and lose all my followers. It's become my passion over the last few months and when you become passionate about something, you want to share it with the whole world. I believe in the benefits of crossfit and I think it's the best possible workout for anyone because of its scalability. Not only is it a way to work out, it's a way of life. There is a crossfit community and crossfitters are constantly pushing each other to succeed. I have no problem walking up to a complete stranger and striking up a conversation if they happen to be wearing a crossfit shirt.

The nutrition aspect of crossfit is so crucial. I continue to struggle with it, but I have felt the positive results in my body as I've implemented changes into the paleo direction. It's astounding to me what passes as health food these days. For years I ate boat loads of whole grains and soy products because their supposed benefits were espoused in health magazines, on tv and in so many books. After removing all grain, dairy, legumes and sugar from my diet, I feel like absolute SHIT when I've reintroduced any food in one of the above categories. I wonder how I went so long eating that way... did I always have a headache? Was I always experiencing mind fog? So much conventional knowledge and what is considered "healthy" seems completely wrong to me now!

But there's a time and place for everything, and I realized that this blog is not necessarily the forum for fitness and nutrition. It's more a place where I write about my daily life, post about traveling and other random ideas of mine. Yes, crossfit and paleo will seep into posts from time to time, but I've developed another outlet for most of my musings on those two subjects: http://pullupsandpaleo.wordpress.com/

There is so much information that I've been diving head first into... so much knowledge, so many things to try and new ideas to implement. If you are interested in reading what I'm learning about and the things I'm doing when it comes to nutrition and fitness, follow me on over to Pull-ups and Paleo. It really is about my journey to continually improve upon myself. I've become a human guinea pig, completely by choice. I will try anything and I'll post about the good and the bad.

I can't really tell you what will happen over here at the Republic. As you might have noticed, posts have become fewer and farther between. People change and interests change, but I've just found a passion. It's something that was lacking in my life for a long time. For years, it was running. Spongebob ganglion cyst put an end to that, but actually made it possible to find and enter the crossfit arena. Time will tell what happens over here, but I believe that change is good and necessary. We should continually evolve and grow as people, and this is my personal evolution. I hope you'll follow my new blog and enjoy what I have to say.

Cheers!

The Overshare

2010-05-19T07:46:00.000-07:00

I will be the first to admit that I spend far too much time on facebook. It's addicting and it's where all the cool kids hang, so why wouldn't I?

But just like with blogging, I've recently found the need to edit myself when it comes to facebook. At first I was annoyed... why should I have to edit myself? This is me. (Granted, it's the best possible presentation of myself, which could just as easily be considered editing)

But a couple situations have made me realize that while being friends with every single person I've ever known is fine, it's going to eventually lead to some issues, such as people drawing conclusions about things which are none of their business.

Along the same vein of others drawing conclusions, is in regards to my profile picture and job hunting. I'd have to be an idiot to think future employers aren't looking me up on facebook. It's probably the first thing that's done when an employer is seriously considering an applicant. My profile is completely private, sans the profile pic. So do I choose the happy picture with me in the cute dress (in which I happen to be exposing a little side-boob), the one of me in the Mediterranean wearing a bikini top, or the one where I'm jumping out of a plane? Each one has been my profile picture, with that latter as the most recent. The sky-diving picture continues to occupy that coveted profile picture spot, and probably will for a little while. I decided that it shows me as a risk-taker and that I know how to have fun.

How sad is that? I've completely over analyzed a simple, beautiful picture because of facebook. THAT'S what annoys me.

Another thing that really chaps my ass (Dumb and Dumber, anyone?) is the incessant status updates. Let me start by admitting that recently, I fell into the trap of updating multiple times a day. I usually limited myself to twice, although it may have been three times from time to time, depending on how bored or compulsive I became that day. But that is FAR from how often I've seen others update, which makes me wonder what kind of lives those people have. If I'm this bored sometimes on my days off, do these people ever work, go to school or do ANYTHING? It scares me.

For some, there's a purpose: promoters or those working in events have somewhat of an excuse. Facebook is a networking site, so they're justified. Mothers, some of you have cute updates and I enjoy reading them (Toni, I'm not sure if you still read this, but I love reading about your daughter and your prego belly updates!). But some mommies? Not a big fan of learning more about your child's poopy diaper or snot-filled nose. Perhaps that's more of a TMI issue than constant updating. Still. STOP IT.

Then there are the certain people that you just know are not right. It's sad because these people are crying out for help, and clearly they're lacking any self-control or judgement. But sometimes I just want to leave a comment on their 5th status in as many hours telling them to STFU about whatever friend let her down again, or about being bored, or how annoying their job is. It's usually quite a bit more TMI than that, though. You all know that person. But real talk, I never "defriend" those people because sometimes the utter ridiculousness of their updates can be good for a laugh... or just perspective of how not crazy I am. I'm probably going to hell now.

As facebook grows and entrenches itself deeper into our lives, the hardest part will be the self-editing. I do not need to share that much with every single person I know. The other day, my neighbor asked about the job I interviewed for. I knew I hadn't told her, and I'm sure I had a confused look on my face. She let me know she'd seen my status update. She's someone I like, so I wasn't too weirded out. But it did make me think about how much I've been sharing with the internet, on facebook, twitter and this blog. The facebook overshare is a habit that's spilled over to twitter and blogger.

We write every thought on twitter, post pictures and stories about our lives on facebook and our blogs. People who read our posts begin to feel like they know us. I used to be fine with that, until I realized it's just a small facet of myself that I've "put out there." Yes, they know about my job hunt. That's fine, especially if it generates a few leads. But things that I used to be comfortable with sharing are now off the table. I have no idea who is reading this blog any more. When I believed it to just be strangers, I was oddly okay with sharing my deepest emotions. Deep down, I didn't really care if a stranger thought negatively about whatever it was about me or what I was going through. But it's harder for me to accept that people I know might read my most vulnerable posts and I have no control over how they perceive my writing (which is an extension of my thoughts, and who I am).

I've often heard that the qualities that annoy us most about other people, are the qualities we dislike about ourselves. People's internet over-sharing really grates my nerves, probably because I worry about doing it myself. So instead of shaking my head at the over-sharers while pushing "publish" on facebook a few times a day, I'm reigning back. So far, so good. Twitter as well. I haven't blogged too much lately, but some of the content will change, while some things will remain the same. For now, I'm taking dating off the table. My deepest emotions? Going to save that for my diary.

Self-editing may be more valuable than I once realized.

One Year Later

2010-05-17T10:03:00.000-07:00

On May 8, 2009, I left my corporate job. In those short nine months at Ingram Micro, I learned that I'm not cut out for the corporate world, with vendor lunches, ass kissing, and living for Fridays. I cringed every time I found myself using the corporate bullshit lingo in an email. I kept wondering what I was doing... in what way was I contributing to the greater good? I spent over 40 hours a week sitting in my 5x4 gray cubicle, in front of a damn computer.

Enter data, check email, respond to email with bullshit answer, enter data, check my reader and peruse the internet for 45 minutes, let the phone go to VM, wait three hours to check VM. Even just writing all that gives me the heeby-jeebies.

In the first four months, I was bummed when Sunday evening rolled around. After six months, I couldn't even enjoy my Sunday, with Monday looming in the background. seven months, and I was feeling it by Saturday. During the last two months, I found it impossible to enjoy my entire weekend. When I was driving to work, I would turn onto a street about a mile away and the stomach ache would begin. During my last four weeks there, I had trouble eating. REALLY?

The only thing that kept me sane was the trip I was planning and the thought of giving my two weeks. I didn't last nearly as long as I'd hoped, but I resigned on a Monday in April and I walked out of IM on Friday, May 8th, 2009. With me, I took great friendships and the knowledge that leaving was the best possible option for me.

I left just as the economy was tanking. I'd made it through lay-offs, during a time when people would have killed for steady work and an income. I knew some people would think I was crazy, narcissistic and selfish. A trip to Europe in this economy? Coming back to no work? Um, yeah. I felt guilty, but I began to recognize that it's my life and this was only my decision to make. I knew I'd regret staying.

I came home and found a job within three weeks. I'm still with this non-profit and I believe in what I'm doing. I wish I had more hours and that I had benefits. But when it comes down to it, I don't have a stomach ache when I'm driving to work. I know for a fact that I'm helping people. I get emails every week from guests, thanking me for the experience their family had at our museum.

Yes, I'm seeking work. I wish I could stay with my company, but a girl needs a living wage eventually. I'm lucky though... this job fell into my lap and I learned how to plan events. Suddenly, a new career came onto my radar. I know I'd like to continue to pursue event planning. Down the road, I'm hoping to also become a certified personal trainer (in Crossfit), and I'll be able to have a career in both.

My point in writing this is that it's a wonder to me how much can change in one year. Even six months. It's impossible to know where life is going to take you, and I've fully accepted that. I never say never anymore. Even if I think something is ridiculous, I never rule anything out because of how the last year has gone. That's a good thing, too!

If I want to do something, nothing will hold me back. If I want to have 2 jobs, then I'll make it work if I love them both enough. I should be so lucky to be an event coordinator and a trainer. Abundance is the goal now.

P.S. on Friday I got 28 double-unders in a row. Booyah!

Foto Friday

2010-05-14T08:49:00.000-07:00

Double-unders.

Monday: PR at 15

Wednesday: PR at 18

Today: ?

I'm coming for you, 35. I will have all of you, "unbroken", long before August 10. Watch yourself.

Life

2010-05-12T07:00:00.000-07:00

Abundance.

It's what I wanted, hoped for, asked for and it's exactly what I've got on my hands at the moment.

At some point, I make the decision to live my real life at the cost of blogging. I'm okay with that, and I'm pretty sure most of you make the same choice from time to time.

Interviews*Hikes*Crossfit*Making goals*Work*Cooking*FINALLY reading a good book*Coffee*Riding*Job Hunting*Catching up with friends*Adrenaline

With all this abundance, I'm still missing some big chunks of my daily life, including quality time with my BFF! Blogging! The beach!

I'm grateful for it all.

P.S. I finally got the coveted kipping pull-ups yesterday morning. I've been working on them for 3 months. Two nights ago, I was laying in bed and it hit me... I just knew I'd be able to do them in the gym the following morning. So I hopped on the bar and busted 4 in a row. Boom. Goal accomplished. Next up: Hand stand push ups. I should make videos so you guys can see how looney I've become with this crossfit stuff! In the mean time, here's a video of a kipping pull-up:

Foto Friday

2010-05-07T07:00:00.000-07:00

My BFF Ursula was body painted a few weeks ago... Girlfriend looks GOOD naked ;)

We even got down on the dance floor. No shirt, no pants, no clothes, no problem.

Urs wrote the most amazing post about me last Friday, and I still can't get over how incredible I felt reading it. She always inspires me and is the definition of what a friend should be. Plus she just does really cool stuff!

Setback

2010-05-05T09:44:00.000-07:00

I didn't get the job.

Everything seemed to be running so smoothly in my life lately, maybe I needed a little setback to keep me humble.

I REALLY wanted this gig and I was lead to believe that it was in the bag... by the person doing the hiring. Nothing is ever certain though and I got my hopes up too much with this one.

I love where I work and this was going to be the job that kept me there. Looks like it's time to start my search outside the company again. Back to square one. I'm okay, and I really believe that everything happens for a reason. There must be something better just around the corner.

Yesterday was also a great reminder that I've chosen my friends wisely and that I've managed to surround myself with pretty amazing people. Friends were texting to see whether I'd gotten it, and when they heard the news, instead of pity, I got all positivity. Nearly every person told me that something better is coming for me. I love that.

Pity is shitty.

Positivity and a bright outlook when things don't go your way are key to opening yourself up to great things.

Hours after finding out about the job, my boss asked me to be her business partner in her wedding planning business. It's small right now but she has solid connections and she's ready to build her business. She has the experience and I have the energy and willingness to learn it all. We work well together, so this could be a great thing. I'm still searching for a full-time gig and I'll be working the wedding planning on the side, while we develop the website and get some business for the summer. So ready for everything that comes my way!

The Best Me

2010-05-04T07:00:00.000-07:00

Think about when you feel you're at your best. In your mind, where are you? What are you doing? Now think about all the things you do in your everyday life and how it all revolves around your vision of you at your best.

What happens when one event changes all aspects of your life, including that vision of the best you? I can tell you exactly what happens...

All it took was a breakup for me to finally join Crossfit. Three months later and Crossfit has seeped into every aspect of my life.

I'm looking for a full-time job and I'm ready to move out. Job requirements: Monday-Friday, so I can have my weekends free again and I'll finally be able to increase my workouts to 5 days a week. Housing requirements: must be just around the corner from the gym.

My idea of what it means to be healthy and the word nutrition have utterly transformed. Thoughts of calories are distant and in the past. Now, I'm asking myself whether Grok would've eaten it. I made the slightly painful decision to fork over $50/ month for fish oil that my fellow crossfitters swear by. I'm shopping around for the best protein since my body has been achy and is slow to recover from my workouts, which is hindering my ability to PR in back squats. Last week, I back-squatted 140# (# is Crossfit lingo... apparently crossfitters are too elite to write out "pounds"). You guys? I weigh 130. I back-squatted more than my body weight. Unfortunately, every time I earn a PR on a lift, my hip starts killing me, so I have to tone it down on everything else for the rest of the week. Enter fish oil and protein powder. Oh yeah, and the damn foam roller.

When terms such as "clean and jerk", "thrusters" or "snatch" enter your everyday vocabulary and you don't even giggle or make naughty jokes, it's a clear indication of a successful indoctrination into the Crossfit world.

Yesterday, I did Fran at 6:47, Rx with a red band. Unless you do Crossfit, that will make no sense and possibly sound like some dirty joke. I'll explain since I don't want to be elitist and act like ya'll should know this... Fran is one of "the girls" or a benchmark workout. It's 21-15-9 (reps) of thrusters at 65# then pull-ups. So I did 21 thrusters, then 21 pull-ups, using a red band on the pull-ups since I'm still working on getting an unassisted kipping pull-up. 21, then 15 then 9. The woman in the video below completes Fran in less than half the time it took me. I'm okay with that since I know in a few months I'll be chopping a minute off my time.

The people at my gym have become good friends. On Fridays, we'll crack open a beer after the WOD (workout of the day) and talk Crossfit (or maybe about other stuff going on in our lives, but everything always loops back around to Crossfit). I spent Sunday with "The Breakfast Club,"the 7am crew, boating out to Catalina. We swam, fished and attempted to stay warm.

(They actually used those weapons to snag a fish and a crab. Mine's just for show.)

These are the people that see me at my worst every day: sweaty, stinky, making ugly faces and grunting through that last rep on the back-squat. Not only do they still want to be my friends, but they're behind me, literally and figuratively, in every rep. They want me to succeed, even when that means I'm getting a better time or lifting a heavier weight. They encourage me when I drop the weight off my back because I've failed that rep. They see me everyday at my worst... except it's really my best. When I'm working out, I'm at my happiest. I'm accomplishing goals and becoming better with each successful (and failed) rep.

My old vision of the best me revolved around a boy. I thought that I was at my best when I was with that person. In three short months, I've realized that the best me is the girl with the weighted bar on her back, pushing through that last rep when her legs feel stuck in the squat but she knows there's no way she'd let down the 5 people screaming behind her, helping her push back to the top.

The best me is a combination of the athlete I was in high school with the mental strength I've developed over the last 6 years.

The best me is me right now.

I drank the cool aid. I love Crossfit.

Foto Friday

2010-04-30T07:00:00.000-07:00

700 miles/48 hours... to Laughlin, Vegas and back...

My butt has never been so sore. Pretty sure I caught a few bugs in that grill.

I want a Harley.

Oh yeah, and the dude's pretty cool too.

Love Letters

2010-04-29T07:00:00.000-07:00

My semi-regular posts in which I profess my love to something or someone that fills me with love and joy. 50% tongue in cheek and 100% full of lurve.

Dear Life,

You never cease to amaze me. I continually practice feeling grateful for everything I have because I know how bad things could get, and right now, things are so good. Last night, this overwhelming sense of gratitude hit me like a ton of bricks. In a matter of 3 months you've brought me through one of my lowest moments and back to the top. I did not expect, nor did I really believe I'd be this happy so soon.

I have the absolute coolest best friend. She's is basically a soul mate. Our lives have gone through some eerily similar downs and, now, ups. Other friends have come and gone. I've been sorely disappointed by some, and I'm sure I've done my share of letting a few down. But you brought to me one of the raddest people I've ever known and for that I'll be eternally grateful. This friend has taught me so much, including how valuable relationships are and because of her, I've been a better friend to others.

Life, you've managed to keep things pretty sane and happy throughout these 24 years. My family remains one of the coolest I know and I really love being around them. I've always lived in a beautiful place and I've never gone hungry. Real drama has barely grazed the bubble in which I live, and for that I'm immensely grateful, more than is really possible to express with words. The older I get, the more shit I see, the happier I become with everything I've ever been blessed with. I remember when I was younger and I saw my family as having less money and material things. Now I realize that we have so much love that none of that crap even matters.

Oh precious life... I have a job where I was promoted after 3 months and today I have an interview for a full-time position within the same company. In a matter of 8 months, I've been given a few fabulous opportunities and I actually love my company and what it stands for. While I'm ready to move on from my current position, at least I still like it. Remember when I hated my job? That period of my life seems so distant now.

And life? You brought me a fast and furious love that ended when I least expected. As the weeks have ticked on, I realize it all happened for a reason and that it was perfect timing. Any later, and I could have been already living in Virginia, stranded with a broken heart. Any sooner and I question whether I would have come to understood how fully capable of love I am, and how much I have to offer another person.

...speaking of another person. Beautiful life, thanks for scheming and bringing a rad dude in my life. If he ends up being nothing more than my friend, I'll be lucky to count him as such. But this weekend felt so right, so pretty please life, can we see things further along with this one? He's really funny and doesn't even flinch when my hands or feet are cold! Plus, those blue eyes.... le sigh.

Life, I've really mellowed out over the past couple years as you've taught me lots of lessons. You've shown me that I can't control everything, that there is majah beauty in the small things and that I am SO CAPABLE. When it was just you and me on that lonely night in France, when I cried for hours and just wanted to be with someone I knew, you showed me exactly what matters in life: the people surrounding me, my family and friends. We went on a journey across the ocean and it was there that I had to learn how amazing home and my loved ones are. I will never take them for granted again.

Life, thanks for bringing me through the lows because these highs would never feel as good without them.

Love,

Brooke

Foto Friday

2010-04-23T07:00:00.000-07:00

Let's swing back around to Europe for today. Last I shared was Cinque Terre, a warm and gorgeous place where I made friends that kept me sane and present. Far too soon, we parted ways as they headed to Paris and I began the long journey that would take me to Florence, Rome, Milan, London and finally home. But I get ahead of myself because there were some beautiful memories made and fabulous pictures taken during those 2 weeks. I give you Florence:

Pizza. Italian Pizza. You did me right, sitting alone enjoying you in the little Italian pizzaria. Sigh.

On the bike tour hosted by my hostel.

Allow me to wax poetics about the experience I had at the Plus Florence Hostel. This place was it. It had all the amenities, all the cool people and amazing tours. I arrived and immediately booked the 15 euro bike tour. WORTH IT. I met a group of people with whom I went to dinner and explored the city with later. The following day, some of us sucked it up and dropped the 45 euro for the wine tour through Tuscany. Expensive but again, WORTH IT. Some of my best memories are sharing multiple bottles of vino and becoming far more drunk than any tasting should have left us. Not only did Plus offer amazing tours, but I was able to do my laundry, have a yummy breakfast and run into people I'd met a couple weeks before in France. This place draws a fabulous traveling/backpacking crowd and if you ever go to Europe, stay at a Plus Hostel. No, they are not paying me to say this or reimbursing me for the $90 I charged to my credit for for the wine tour when I should have been questioning whether to spend a euro for a coffee... I digress.

Views from the highest point of our tour

Dinner with new friends.

Porking up enjoying gelato afterwards...

Views of Tuscany the following day during our wine tour...

Happiness is finding a blow dryer in my hostel bathroom so I can have good hair for the first time in a month beautiful views of Tuscany.

Ready to taste the beauty within...

"Cool vines, but can we drink now?"

Done and...

DONE!

Annarita (my roomie and partner in crime for Florence and Rome!)... heading to our second stop on the bottoms up wine tour.

You know the Verrazzano bridge in New York? It's named after this guy, and he's from the town we stopped in, Greve.

My friend, Mike in the meat shop we found in Greve.

They have a tower in their town, no big deal.

We're in the bus nearing our next destination and the guide casually says "...and to the left is where DaVinci painted the Mona Lisa."

Garret, Annarita, me, Mike

Fill'er up Garrett!

The proof is in the wonky eyes... vino did me right.

Sum ergo bibo, bibo ergo sum: I am therefore I drink, I drink therefore I am.

Annarita checking out the Grappa distillery at our next stop...

Grappa! It's like vodka, only worse.

Cheers to new friends.

The wine tour was an experience and a test of my drinking endurance. Wiped me out, and Annarita and I chugged about a gallon of water between us before jumping into our bunks that evening. But it was only a nap! There's no rest for the weary when the late summer sunset of Florence is luring you back out for views of Ponte Vecchio and more Gelato:

Moon rise over Ponte Vecchio.

Exhausted but happy: the combination for everyone's best travel pictures.

Gelato!

Next up: Rome.

Strength is in the oaks

2010-04-19T07:00:00.000-07:00

"For my part, I rather distrust men or concerns that rise up with the speed of rockets. Sudden rises are sometimes followed by equally sudden falls. I have most faith in the individual or enterprise that advances step by step. A mushroom can spring up in a day; an oak takes 50 years or more to reach maturity. Mushrooms don't last; oaks do. The real cause for an enormous number of business failures is premature over-expansion, attempting to gallop before learning to creep. Sudden successes often invite sudden reverses."- B.C. Forbes
I much prefer the oaks. I'm practicing great patience in areas in my life in which I used to consistently expect instant gratification: career, health and love life to be specific. Seeds have been carefully planted and I've dutifully watered every few days... not too much, though. I don't want to drown them or ruin their fragile beginnings. But I pour that can of water every so often, then sit in the sun on my chaise lounge and imagine the possibilities of my beautiful garden. I try not to let my imagination get away from me as some of the seedlings slowly peek through the ground and I'm given hope that I've done something right. Yes, I watered just the right amount, placed the seeds in just the right location to allow them to pop through the dirt. But they're not even sticks yet, much less oaks. Regardless, these little plants have become just that: plants from seedlings and I can see life from that which I planted during the winter days when the dreary sky had me wondering when I'd ever see blue.
In more ways the one, spring has sprung. The fruits of my labor are showing just enough life to keep me pushing forward, knowing that stronger, better, more beautiful things are to come. But I still have appreciation for what these delicate life forms are at the moment. They are the root. They are what will become the strength for future growth. Without these slow-growing, albeit steady beginnings, I cannot have the oaks of the future.

Foto Friday

2010-04-16T08:16:00.000-07:00

Ya'll know about my Paleo challenge and how much I enjoy cooking. I go to Primal Mama Cooks and CFSCC for my recipe ideas. Everything is fairly easy, which is good for someone like me, who is learning how to cook and trying to understand the best flavors to pair together. I've done alright so far and I'm proud of my masterpieces!

Bacon-wrapped pork chops with Kale chips and Spaghetti Squash

Sausage-stuffed bell peppers with Dad's greens

Bacon-wrapped, almond-stuffed dates

Avocado and bacon bit stuffed tomatoes

Umm... can you tell I like Bacon? Funny thing is that I used to pass on bacon all the time. It wasn't my gig. Last year, I was a vegetarian for 9 months... My how things change!

Happy Friday!

Taking the leap

2010-04-15T07:00:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, I jumped out of a plane... and survived!

I've kept this under wraps for 2 months because my family reads my blog and my mom's #1 rule for us kids is that we can NEVER tell her before we're about to do something crazy like skydive or bungee jump. It has been SO HARD to keep this quiet!!!!

Urs and I can turn any experience into a photoshoot

This was all supposed to go down on Sunday, my birthday. It was a gift to myself and also something HUGE to check off my 101 list. All day Sunday, I was nervous. On our way, we hit major traffic so we never would've made our appointment. Plus the weather was nowhere near ideal. We postponed until Wednesday. Fortunately, SkyDive Perris was super chill and had no problem rebooking us.

The gang

Mike and me suited up and ready to go...

For anyone who's ever skydived, you know exactly how it feels. For everyone else, it's very difficult to describe. My own experience was a roller coaster of emotion. Wednesday morning had me incredibly nervous, which got much worse as we were making the hour drive. Gearing up was unreal and then we were loading into the plane. I was talking to my jump partner, Karen and before I knew it, we were 10,000 feet in the air and suddenly the nerves were gone. I was ecstatic!

A huge group of solo jumpers cleared out of the plane, which left Ursula, my friend Mike (he has the Harley!) and me... plus our tandems, of course! Mike went first and it was unreal to see someone fall out of a plane right before me. I went next and Karen literally threw us out.

The air was screaming, my face felt like it was flapping in the wind and I couldn't stop screaming/laughing/"OH MY GOD"-ing. Suddenly we hit 5,000 feet and Karen yelled for me to pull the chute. We went from 120 mph to slowly floating down to earth. I was able to steer us and control the turns that made my stomach flip-flop. Karen slowly spun us in a 360 and gave me a "tour" of all that was within sight: Los Angeles, Lake Elsinore, Perris Lake, San Jacinto and so much more.

She guided us into what turned out to be a fairly gentle landing. Mind you, I was STILL laughing and experiencing complete joy. I ran and gave Mike a hug. Then Urs landed and I was sooooo happy that my friends were safe and had amazing jumps too!

Karen and I after our jump!

It was a beautiful day for jumping and I'm so grateful that everything went well. I called my parents and their reactions were hilarious. I'm the first child to test my mom's rule and she was really damn glad I didn't tell her before!

Pure happiness after landing :)

The video is on it's way...

Paleo Challenge

2010-04-14T07:00:00.000-07:00

A challenge includes sacrifice, pain and learning to push outside of your comfort zone. It also includes potentially great rewards.

Crossfit has been my challenge over the last 9 weeks. I've seen muscles sprout where I never thought I'd see anything but "soft" flesh. I've learned to accept that a 14 minute workout can do more for my body than most 5 mile runs ever did. My body ideal and my ideas of what a woman's body should look like have drastically shifted. I'm still learning so much and every day I challenge myself to lift a heavier weight, complete one more rep and pull just a little bit higher on that pull-up. I’ve opened myself to each coach and fellow athlete for their wisdom and constant advice.

I'm inspired after every workout, and each time I push myself through a WOD (Workout of the Day), I experience the type of endorphin high that used to come only once in a blue moon with running.

While Crossfit will always be a challenge, it's now becoming a way of life for me. I never agonize over heading to the gym or worry about how hard the WOD will be when I get there. When I worked out at 24 Hour Fitness, I would often sit on my ass at home for an hour or two, “working up the energy” to get my tush out the door and to the gym. It was rare for me to truly enjoy a workout once I was there. At my Crossfit gym, I don’t think… I just DO. It’s fun even during the most grueling workout. Continually working through my discomfort to become stronger both mentally and physically is now my usual routine.

With that said, working out and moving my body has and always will be a priority. Even when I dreaded it, I did it. If anything, I probably over-trained and often trained incorrectly. But I was moving this caboose on the regular, so while working out is always a ‘challenge’, I've begun to accept that there are bigger challenges I can tackle.

Such as....Diet. Food. NUTRITION. The fuel for my body that allows me to push through those grueling workouts 4 times a week. That area has been my Achilles' heal since I can remember. Food has always been directly correlated with how I looked at myself in the mirror. Yes, I've educated myself on the wonders of nutrition and all the good leafy greens, etc. can do for my insides and quality of life. Blah blah blah: in one ear and out the other.

“But do I look skinny enough?” is what it always comes down to.

Except when I tried doing the Paleo diet several weeks ago. I stayed on track for about 3 weeks and felt great. I woke up energized, the puffiness in my face went away, I stopped farting (TMI, I know… but I’m the queen of TMI, so deal with it), and all the usual stomach issues I normally deal with went away. After those few weeks, I slowly slipped back into my old habits and gained back the 5 pounds that I lost… along with the inflammation, lethargy, gas and basically feeling like crap. I kept telling myself: “tomorrow I’ll start Paleo, so I’ll just enjoy these 4 cookies right now.” Except I would start each morning and fail by 3pm.

I decided that it was time to suck it up. I wasn’t going to “start tomorrow”. I gave myself a date that was reasonable. Last week was full of birthdays (dad’s, mom’s and mine) so I would've been setting myself up for failure if I’d tried last week.

I made April 12th my start date for my Paleo challenge. I don’t have any big events that’ll tempt me with food or alcohol for at least 2 weeks. Yes, life happens and things will come up from time to time, but for these 2 weeks, I don’t care what happens. I am going ‘strict’. I’ve heard vicious rumors that a person can feel like absolute shit during that time, but so far I’ve been okay. It hasn’t even been 3 days, but I’m surviving! I also have my family on my side and since I live at home, that’s a beautiful thing. My mom and I take turns cooking and she’s been gracious enough to make meals that are in line with how I’m eating. LOVE HER.

For those of you wondering what in the world "paleo" is, here's a VERY brief synopsis:

The principles of Paleo
Eat:

Lean meats, preferably free-range or wild
Wild seafood
Nuts and seeds
Fresh fruits and vegetables

Don’t eat:

Processed foods
Grains, sugar or salt
Legumes or beans (including peanuts)
Dairy

I refuse to count anything (calories, carbs, etc.) and I eat when I’m hungry. It’s really hard to binge on the foods I'm (I don't recall apples, chick or eggs ever tempting me from the fridge like chocolate chip cookie dough or cake) so it stops that nasty habit of mine. There are a good deal of pleasant ‘side-effects’ from eating in this manner and I’ll do an update after I've had time to fully experience Paleo’s true effects.

One of the women at my gym has been doing crossfit since November and recently completed our gym's Paleo challenge. Check out her results here and prepare to be astonished. I can only hope to look half as great as Jill, and I'll update after my initial 2 weeks.

Wish me luck. My sister made cookie dough last night and I was able to pass. That's a big effing deal. There will be cookies sitting in my kitchen for the next week though... Thanks Val!

Foto Friday

2010-04-09T07:33:00.000-07:00

So.... guess who's 4th annual 21st birthday is on Sunday! MINE!

Yes, I'm still getting excited about birthdays. Hopefully I always will because they mean something really important: I'M ALIVE.

1st annual 21st birthday:

I only did this shot of tequila because it was a gift from my brother

Ya'll know where this one's going...

2nd Annual 21st birthday:

Bar-hopping with the girls (we never "hopped" to a 2nd one)

At the end of the night, laughing after uttering the classic line that my friends will never let me forget that I said. I felt sick, so I tried to "pull the trigger" if you know what I mean... They asked me what I was doing and I turned around and yelled: "You guys, I'm trying to tickle my vulva." Yeah, it's UVULA. Tickling your vulva in public will probably get you arrested.

3rd annual 21st birthday:

I looked cute right? Well that's about the only picture I took and the only place I can recall. From the stories my friends told me, I danced like an idiot, I made out with someone gross, was asked to leave a bar, walked somewhere with my friend to get picked up, and fell on a stump which left my ribs tender for about 3 months. Let's not even talk about the next day, my actual birthday. WORST HANGOVER EVER.

I promise to post something really damn exciting next week!

Happy Birthday Mom and Dad!

2010-04-07T07:00:00.000-07:00

The 4th was my dad's birthday and today is my mom's... they'll be married 31 years in May. Badass.

Aren't they cute?? Of course I'm THAT girl ruining the picture.

For a giggle

2010-04-06T07:00:00.000-07:00

Rap represented in mathematical charts and graphs

Yesssssss.

Absolutely hilarious interpretation of an already ridiculous song.

In case you didn't know how often Rick Ross hustles, here's his iCal.

In case you didn't know, hos is gettin supermanned.

Now go check out the other 60ish pie charts and graphs and giggle your tush off.

Yelp!

2010-04-05T07:00:00.000-07:00

When's the last time you went to a fantastic party and the only reason you took out your wallet was to show ID?

For me, the answer was never... until last week when I was invited to be Ursula's guest to the Yelp Gets Elemental party in downtown L.A. It was rad.

Background story: Ursula has been a "yelper" for awhile and I've written reviews on occasion. But a few months ago, Ursula made it a goal to get the Yelp Elite badge, so she was writing reviews on just about every place she went. She applied and got Yelp Elite last month, and then was invited to the party! As a fellow yelper and since I'm DFW (down for whatever), I was in like Flynn.

On Wednesday night, we made our way up to L.A. There was an incredibly long line that moved faster than I've ever seen a line move, which was basically an indicator of the rest of the night! We had free drinks to start (we seriously could have boozed 'til we passed out... it was everywhere and FREE), then managed to get our grubby little hands on mini cupcakes from Dollhouse Bake Shoppe (S'mores, Pina Colada and Espresso Bean). They were scrumptious and I may have grabbed two S'mores.... ooops! As soon as we'd stuffed the cupcakes in our mouths, we look over to see servers carrying different dishes of gourmet hors d'oeuvres. I'm talking bacon-wrapped sausages, spicy chicken strips, crab salad on endive and sushi rolls, to name a few. That was just inside J-Lounge, on the ground floor.

Of course we shimmied up to the swag booth and grabbed a Yelp bag, Yelp shot glasses and Yelp Chapstick, along with buttons and stickers. AWESOME. Ursula was like a kid in a candy shop and I was just wondering when the next food tray was going to make it's way past us... The outside was just as crazy. Free Kabab, Pho and gourmet coffee that brought me back to Paris. Nom nom nom. DID I MENTION IT WAS ALL FREE??

(Stoked for my Kabab and rocking my fashionable Yelp bag)

After all this, we look over and there's a photo booth. Long line. Fuck it, we're standing in it before we even have a chance to think about what we might miss out on by waiting for pictures. The line itself was an experience. I've never had so much fun waiting in lines as I did at this party. It probably helped that the photo booth business had a prop table... combine that with tipsy yelpers and it was hilarious.

We finished the night off in the only way possible: sampling garlic chocolate, of course!

Oh, and dancing. Lots of dancing.

Dudes, life is so fun!

Fix You is just an overplayed Coldplay song

2010-03-31T07:00:00.000-07:00

What if you only took care of yourself?

We've all heard about the people who lose themselves in taking care of others. The obese women on The Biggest Loser, the haggard helen on What Not To Wear, or the girl who loses herself while trying to keep her loser boyfriend on track. I've always viewed these people with a little bit of pity, but I've known that's not me.

I take care of myself. I shower, I get dolled up from time to time, I workout, I eat relatively well and I like who I am. I don't fit into the category above. I have a positive outlook on life and I surround myself with happy people who see the goodness in every day of life, even on the gloomy days.

But what if I'd been lying to myself for years? What would happen if one day during a little breakdown, I had an epiphany? To an extent, I have been lying to myself, and I did have that epiphany yesterday and today.

It began with a sadness that came over me this weekend when I was sick and began to think about losing the person I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with. I've been so busy being angry and "moving on" by having fun with my girlfriends that I never thought about how sad I was. So this weekend, I went there and it wasn't pretty. Especially because I was so god damned sick. And alone. Today I had a play date with my bestie (and her roommate, Ashley and her bf Lou). We all cooked dinner and joked around. It was great until Urs brought up what I'd briefly mentioned her about being upset earlier in the day. Nothing like your best friend to shake you down and get the truth out when she knows something's really wrong. I wouldn't have it any other way.

But what I realized as I was talking myself through it with her is that I've been trying to fix people, both friends and lovers, my whole life. The relationships that have always left me drained and still going back for more have been the ones where I wanted to help that person. Never mind that they didn't ask for help. I would just always identify the 'fuck up' in them and gravitate towards that. Don't ask me to explain this because I come from probably the most sickeningly happy go-lucky background. My parents love me, they're still together, I was never beaten or abused and we still eat dinner as a family every night. Gross, right?

Let's see... there was the incredibly late, always flaky but "super cool" best friend growing up. I was there for her even when she forgot this or that... or me. No joke. It took her asking for my class notes for the semester, me saying NO! and her responding with "Well I bought you such-and-such" to realize that was not a good friendship. I slowly pulled away from that one. There was the ex who came from a fucked-up background. I remember thinking, I CAN HELP HIM. Like, it wasn't even a subconscious thing guys! I wanted to help make him better and happy and then he would make me happy. Nope. So those relationships were easy to identify as people I've tried to fix. Then I started looking at other friendships. There are 1 or 2 that I can see I've tried to be the rock for them and help her when things are tough.... only when things are great, I stop hearing from them.

Then there's the biggie. The one who I thought was the one. Yup, he'd been in some fucked-up situations in his life. I saw the strength in him and could see the person he was and was going to become. I would be his rock. I stood by his side during every breakdown or freakout (I'd say every 6-8 weeks is pretty accurate). I was the strong one. It stung sometimes but I was there to figure this shit out. I took care of him. OH. MY. GOD. I was that girl. Then when he found a new pillar of strength, I wasn't needed anymore. Goodbye.

Epiphany.

Pain.

Ouch.

I sat there with Ursula and she listened and gave me very sound advice. Who am I to take care of anyone? Who said they need to be taken care of? Why should I have to worry about taking care of anyone? I shouldn't have to worry about another person's money situation... I've got my own bills to pay. He's incredibly insecure deep down? Just walk away right now, because trying to fix that one is a bitch. You heard it from me. Taking care of people and trying to "fix" them... it's just not our responsibility. We cannot fix anyone. People must decide whether they want to fix themselves and then DO IT. It's not our job, nor should we ever try. I've always believed that the only person that can make you happy is you, so how did I miss this whole "you can't fix people" lesson??

Why did it take me this long to see this about myself, this pattern? Denial.

Well, I'm done. I will be taking care of myself and nobody else.

I will be a good friend, but I will no longer talk to you for 3 hours about why you shouldn't be with that abusive person. You don't want to fix the situation so why are we still going over this?

I will be a good friend to someone who has my back no matter what...who will find life fun when we've only got a couple bucks in our wallets and who will call me out when I'm wrong, sad or bitchy. Someone who offers to split the gas when times are tough.

I will be a good girlfriend to someone who does things instead of saying things... who takes me to dinner and pays for the entire meal and expects to do so, who will buy me the occasional bouquet of flowers after I've dropped a few hints, instead of telling me that he can't afford it, who has a working car and just gets it fixed when it needs to be fixed, damn it. I will be a good girlfriend to someone who respects me and asks me how my day was, and genuinely cares about the answer.

I will give my very best only to those who give me theirs. I hold myself to a high standard and expect a lot out of myself, so shouldn't I expect the same from those around me? I'm not asking anyone to be perfect, by any means. Everyone has flaws (don't get me started on this girl right here). But I'm there for the people I love 100%. I do what I say I'm going to do and do it, I'm honest and I'm fiercely loyal. So I want that in return. I'm through with searching for the diamond in the rough. I'm a fucking brilliant diamond and the only way I'm going to shine is if I'm surrounded by people who's shit sparkles.

It's a Man's world

2010-03-29T21:46:00.000-07:00

I've been sick as a dog for the last 3 days, so this is just about all the energy I can pull together to post. I've watched way too much tv today (Kell on Earth marathon, Property Virgins, Say Yes to the Dress and House Hunters in between my naps) and just this evening I was watching an old Pavorrati concert on KCET. James Brown came on stage and these guys belted out an incredible version of It's A Man's World. I love this song and this version takes the cake:

Foto Friday

2010-03-26T07:00:00.000-07:00

It occurred to me that I'm long overdue for a Foto Friday that includes pictures from Italy. Here goes!

First of all, one of my main priorities in going to Europe was to hike the Cinque Terre path. Long story short, it's a 4-5 hour hike between the 5 cities, which happen to form one of the 890 UNESCO World Heritage Sites. Easily one of the most beautiful places in the world and my plans of going there kept me from leaving Europe early at one point, when I had to make the decision when to fly home.

I took the train from Hyeres, where I'd been visiting Ursula's mom. 5 hours later, I ended up in La Spezia. I missed the bus from the train station to my hostel 25 minutes into the hills. I may or may not have gotten a ride with 2 local guys who happened to be walking by when I needed directions.... um, yeah. Thankfully they were kind and NOT serial killers! Don't tell my parents.

I walked into the hostel and met 2 girls who'd just done the hike I was planning to do the next day. Jamie and Chelsea were exhausted and ready to eat pizza and drink wine, and they invited me to join them. I was in no position to decline.

These girls were amazing. Our quick trip to get pizza turned into about 3 glasses of wine since our waiter fell in love with Jamie (on the left)

I quickly shifted my hiking plans so I could join them at the 'beach' the following day. When I say beach, I mean large rocks next to the water:

At least the water was nice!

After an uncomfortable couple of hours spent on the rocks, we headed back into the town for food:

We traipsed through "Rio" (Riomaggiore... try pronouncing that correctly):

Before heading the larger, SANDY beach at Monterosso:

That evening the 3 of us porked out on Bruschetta, wine and Nutella:

Remnants of a meal enjoyed.

The following day, I said goodbye to my new friends from Long Island and set out on my solo 5-hour hike at 8am. The path was empty and it was just me and the Italian coast for a couple hours.

Walking through Vernazza:

Back on the path, I noticed someone lounging on their patio. Their house was perched in these hills with an unimaginable view:

As the morning gave way into the day, I began passing more people. Families with their touristy gear, travelers like me, and of course the natives. I managed to get a friendly tourist to snap one of my favorite pictures of me during all my travels:

Clearly, I have very fond memories of my 3 days spent exploring Cinque Terre. The pictures cannot begin to express the beauty that I saw in these warm, beautiful towns. The rickety train with no a/c, the tiny shops with meats, cheeses and fruits lining the path through the cities going down to the beach, and the friendships I made with fellow travelers will stay with me forever.

Anonymous Comments

2010-03-25T07:00:00.000-07:00

We've all had them and some of us have even changed our settings to not allow these suckers: Anonymous comments! I posted about my own awhile back and I've read about some of the ones that have ended up on the blogosphere.

Last night, my girl Ursula posted her response to 'anonymous'. I may be biased because she's my best friend, but this might be one of the most badass responses to a douchey anon comment:

Dear anonymous,
I think you meant to write 'before' reading my blog not 'after.' I'll start off by saying your cowardness to post as anonymous shows your character, or lackthere of - and finish off by saying your world news and wikipedia research for the facts you included in your comment must make you feel proud, informed and maybe even involved in aiding the worlds poverty... But I'll be direct with you when I say that I've not only read up on third world countries, I have lived, worked and volunteered in 3 different 3rd world countries for 12 years of my life- not including a year of service I completed in an inner city school in the bay area.
I volunteer with various charities and organizations on a regular basis, fed homeless people every weekend for the last year I lived in the bay, volunteered hours upon hours at planned parenthood, and have volunteered my only days off to spend with orphans in Tijuana, or putting together food drives - this doesn't even begin to cover it. I pride myself in helping my friends and family reach their goals. I bring people together, I network and although it doesn't include writing anonymous comments on people's blogs, I make a difference in people's life. I do not need to be told about life in poverty, and how it compares to my life, because I've experienced it first hand.

Nowhere in my blog entry did I compare my 'shitty' two months to life in Haiti or Darfur. You are pathetic to compare the two- I have risen from circumstances I don't need to share, in which I don't allow myself to be a victim, and enjoy the life I worked for. My intentions have never been to change your perspective of what difficult means, because I don't even know who YOU are - besides a coward. I constantly work on improving the person that I am, to give back to the world what was given to me. For that I am not ashamed, but thankful, greatful and happy. You on the otherhand should find a source of happiness that doesn't include trying, but surely failing to bring negativity into a blog that isn't focused on your intro to world studies class.
Thanks for stopping by!!! :)
P.S. you misspelled Haiti...and the word third.

Deleted and owned by blogger

2010-03-24T20:11:00.000-07:00

Today, I lost a blog post. I spent about 3 hours total writing this sucker. I poured my heart into it. I usually spend max. 30 minutes on a post. There was something about it though... I couldn't walk away. I worked on it last night, then this morning I continued to write and edit, with blogger auto-saving the whole time. I hit 'publish post' and there was an error with blogger. I couldn't even get into dashboard. I did a few things around the house and came back to it.

Everything that I wrote today was gone. NOTHING SAVED. All I had were the bare bones from last night. Ughhh. SERIOUSLY? Not sure how that works when Blogger is auto-saving every 2 minutes.

I tried to re-write but it just isn't going to happen. I don't have the energy, nor can I recreate the words that were flowing from my mind.

Has this ever happened to any of you? It seriously ruined my day. Normally something like this might bother me for a little while but I'll get over it. The kicker was that as I wrote it, I felt relieved. It was one of those rare, therapeutic posts that I wrote for me more than anyone else. I wanted to put it out there to the world, out into the universe, if you will. I guess in some way I still did, whether the post was deleted or not. Maybe I was so pissed off because it took so much emotion and energy to create, that those feelings were still raw. Regardless, it's gone.

Monday

2010-03-22T08:57:00.000-07:00

I have so much running through my head and I want to write about it all. The last week was filled with a lot of highs and a few extremely lows. It's these times that fill me with so much to write about and express, yet the time to do so escaped me. My life has felt really abundant lately, something that I always wanted but I didn't quite know how to get it. I thought "abundant" was something that would just come to me, but I've realized it's something I have to work at. More on that later.

Normally, Monday is one of my days off but due to circumstances, I missed 4 days of work in a row last week. So today, I'm working like a dawg and hopefully I'll get back into the swing of things.

Does anyone else feel like the days and weeks are flying by?

Secrets

2010-03-18T21:00:00.000-07:00

Press play. Turn the volume on the loudest notch. Close your eyes. Listen.

Called out

2010-03-18T07:18:00.001-07:00

*EDIT*: Here is the damn link since the stupid picture isn't loading for anyone!

Vonda emailed me yesterday. The subject line: "This is SO you"

There was a link to this someecard:

Life

2010-03-17T10:53:00.000-07:00

"Continual cheerfulness is a sign of wisdom."

I came across this quote on twitter this morning. I'm not always super duper cheerful, but for the most part, I'm a very positive person. I'm happy and I make the choice to be happy, positive and cheerful everyday. Life is short, people come and go, others leave us too early, shit happens and life goes on.

Sometimes bad things happen in life. Often times, good things happen in life. In the end though, life is life. It's up to each person to choose what life means to them. EVERYDAY is a fresh start and an opportunity to choose happiness.

For a few weeks back in February, I woke up everyday thinking about how sad I was. From the minute I woke up until when I went to bed, I was bummed and grumpy. Then one day, I made the choice to do something very out of the ordinary (for me, at least). It was all I needed to kick the funk and remind myself that life is fun, beautiful and full of exhilarating experiences.

So far, this year has brought the death of my dog, a bad breakup and now the death of a dear friend's father. It's only March. 2010 could very well bring more heartbreaking things into my life and others' lives. But the reality is that life will always go on, whether our hearts soar or fall into pieces. So when my eyes open every morning and I have that choice to be cheerful, to be happy and live life to the fullest, I will. I hope you do to, because it makes everything a hell of a lot sweeter.

Thoughts?

RIP

2010-03-16T07:00:00.000-07:00

Life is far too short.

Yesterday, my sister's BF's father died of a massive heart attack. I was at the hospital when the news of his passing came and it was gut-wrenching. The anguish I witnessed is something I wish upon no person.

Sister's BF (SBF) is one of the brightest and most mature kids I know. He and I've become very close since he and sister began dating, although I knew him long before that. We were hired the same summer, in 2003 at the local community center to staff all the pools and lakes. I was a lifeguard and he was the gate guard. His dad was our boss. For 5 summers, I worked there. I goofed around, got a tan and kept a few kids from drowning. SBF's dad oversaw it all and made a point to get to know everyone who worked with him very well. He allowed us kids to be kids, while still learning how to act at our first jobs. He kept us in line, but let us have our fun. He helped us find that balance.

He was that guy... the one that knew everyone in our community, who was loved by all his employees, loved by the residents and managed to keep the place running smoothly in the craziest of summer days. More recently, as Sister and SBF began dating a couple years ago, our families have spent time together, including Thanksgiving. He brought so many people together... I'm having a hard time comprehending how so many events and get-togethers will ever go on without him. The community will never be the same. Everything will change.

58 is too young to die.

Rest In Peace, Ralph.

Dating conundrum

2010-03-12T16:18:00.000-08:00

I have a bit of a conundrum.

You see, I'm single and I would like to be dating. I never dated much at all before and it's something that I want to try before I get into another relationship. In the past, friendships usually turned into romance, or I met the person through a friend and it quickly blossomed. Only a few times have I gone out on dates with relative strangers. It scares the living day lights out of me.

Lately I've been going out a lot with my girlfriends. We joke that our goal is to find hot guys and get their numbers. But really, we mean they'll get ours. We're a good-looking group of girls and we can usually attract the hot guys. Not a problem. I've given my number out to a few guys. I was even the one who did the approaching recently. Not exactly typical behavior for me.

I've pushed myself to talk to guys, to be outgoing and to act single (in the past, I always sent out that "don't approach me" vibe, whether it was intentional or unconscious, I'm not sure... but guys picked up on it and rarely approached me then). It's been fun and definitely an ego boost to have the attention. You're probably wondering what the problem is and what I'm getting at.

You see, I give out my number. It makes me feel confident (borderline cocky). The next day (or 3, depending on how lame he is), I get a text. I feel smug. Then I don't want to have anything to do with him. I'm over it. I'm bored. These attractive and friendly guys are putting themselves out there and I'm totally rejecting them for no reason. Don't get me wrong, I don't feel THAT bad about it, even though I did kind of lead them on by giving out my number in the first place. But I just don't feel like going out with them or dealing with the whole going on a date with a near-stranger.

Does this happen to any of you? I'm not entirely sure why I do this, although I have an idea. I do have a fat crush on someone who I thought was into me, and he still gives those flirtatious signals. But he hasn't really asked me out. I keep picking up the vibes and I've caught him checking me out several times, but nothing happens. He knows I'm newly single, so that's the only reason I can guess he might not want to start something. Whatevs. A girl can still drool.

So... Is it the crush or is it something else? Friends: advice please!

Foto Friday

2010-03-12T07:46:00.000-08:00

My sister (on the right) and me, sitting on the banks of the Seine, last July.

My Saturday night...

2010-03-08T18:07:00.000-08:00

Ya'll know I like to plan. Some might call it 'control issues', but I like to think that I'm just always prepared! From time to time, people close to me have nicely suggested that I need to go with the flow... others have told me I need to chill the eff out. I'm pretty receptive when it comes from certain people and I'm good at loosening up after hearing that and recently I've been learning to control those control issues (ironic?).

Exhibit A: Drinks with Kelly in Santa Ana on Saturday night. I didn't mind driving. Planned to have 1 or 2 drinks and Kelly could partake this time. Kelly said some of her friends were there. In my newfound spirit of having a totally-awesome-time-always, I said BRING IT ON. (Sidenote: being the person who only knows one person in a group who all know each other has always been super intimidating for me. This could be another control issue thing... Um, I'm making myself sound way crazier than I am. I promise I'm semi-normal, k?).

Kelly and I walked around this art show for a bit until her buddy, Alec, met up with us. We swung around the corner to a really cute restaurant called Lola Gasper where we parked it for the evening. Along with Alec, I met Paul and Jon and a few other guys. Turns out they've all known each other forever, kinda like Kelly and I (friends since kindergarten!). It was refreshing to hang out with these guys because we all had real conversations. No douchiness involved... maybe I've become too accustomed to San Diego and Newport guys with all their lame conversations that require no depth. I enjoyed not feeling like a piece of meat for once.

I digress... because I was talking about loosening up. Which brings me to the shots of absinthe. Yup, we went there. To be honest, I only had a sip because (a) it tasted like black licorice which I find revolting and (b) I was still planning on driving home. As they were drinking the absinthe, I kept thinking about all the times I've been a bust because I stick to my plan. FUCK IT. I told them the plan was being thrown out the window. I ordered another drink and the night truly began.

More absinthe shots (still revolting, just a sip again), a couple more drinks, pictures, a plate of bacon-wrapped gorgonzola bites, a walk through 15 blocks in Santa Ana at 2am (REAL safe, whoops), Norms, rochambo to eat the most disgusting meal on the menu, questionable gumbo, watching a table full of people tripping out and much more. Life is just so much more fun when you go with the flow.

Hopefully this happens again soon!

Foto Friday

2010-03-05T07:56:00.000-08:00

D, R and me!

I get to see my ex-coworkers next Tuesday for dinner! These girls kept me sane when I was on the verge of a mental breakdown working in the corporate jungle. We got in trouble for being too loud, talking too much and being hot. HA.

Huntin' Time

2010-03-03T22:29:00.000-08:00

I'm sitting here, icing my shoulder (apparently I got a little too aggressive with Crossfit last Friday) and thinking about everything I want to happen in the near future. The catch is that a lot of it depends on income and frankly, I need more of it. I know that I'm lucky to actually HAVE a job, to be able to stay at my parents' house rent free and have a reliable car. I'm grateful, don't get me wrong.

Here's the thing: over the last 3 months, I got it in my head that I'd be moving out in June. A lot of things changed in February, but moving out is still a priority. I've suddenly got the itch (no, not that kind) to fly the coop. I love my family and living at home. I'm just ready for the change and the independence that comes with it. Unfortunately, my wallet is not. To add insult to injury, I got an email from my boss on Tuesday that I have to cut my hours down. It's not a lot, but it adds up on the paycheck. In the same email, she also told me she's still pushing to get me on full time, and I know she's serious. Love my boss!

So my plan is to tell her I'm going to begin looking for full-time positions elsewhere. Definitely not trying to play games, and if I end up getting something, I'll be giving my boss plenty of notice. I have a great set-up at work and the beauty of it all is that I'm confident that not only will this NOT do any damage, but if anything, it might help. The likelihood of getting a job offer from a place where I want to work anytime soon is PRETTY DAMN LOW, so I'm sure I'll be hangin' tight for a bit. But maybe the company I work for will have an opening or create a position which I could slide right into (it's sort of a startup. Hard to explain without giving it away and I don't want the VP to find my blog, as much as I do like her!)

When all is said and done, I really love where I work and I enjoy my job. I'm just paid so little, that I have a hard time paying my bills and I'm not even forking over rent or a car payment. See the problem there? SERIOUS BUMMER.

My goal is to be in a position to move out by late June. Job-hunt commences now.

March on!

2010-03-01T09:51:00.000-08:00

Source

Hello to March! Wiped my slate clean and looking forward to:

*St. Patrick's Day festivities
*The first day of Spring: March 20th
*Longer days
*My birthday month: April!
*April 11th: my birthday, and the fabulous plans I have for the day.

"Today is the first day of the rest of your life"

-Charles Dederich

#64: Try Ethiopian food

2010-02-28T08:35:00.000-08:00

I told ya'll that I'm working diligently on my list! While some of the bigger things are taking a little bit of planning, I'm getting to work on the easy things that take just a teensy bit of effort. Without further adieu, #64:

Between the 4 of us girls, we couldn't even finish that plate. We shared the vegetarian platter (above) and then we had zilzil tibs, which was meat and onions in a delicious sauce. We also had sambosas, a fried pocket of beef and gooeyness (that's a technical term, people). I ordered the wine, which I had about 3 sips of before I couldn't handle the sweetness anymore... Ursula agreed. It's like a dessert wine.

Nicole and I

At the end of our meal, we ordered coffee and it took quite awhile to brew... yes, they made it right there. It wasn't crap that'd been sitting for hours. It was the real deal, and much like the coffee you get in europe: a small amount of strong tasty goodness.

Mya and Urs

No cutlery... it's all hands, baby (That's what she said). I highly recommend trying Ethiopian food with a group since I can't imagine it would have been half as fun by myself.

Foto Friday

2010-02-26T07:00:00.000-08:00

In which I remind myself that I've been a badass for awhile:

I think it's time to tackle #8 on my 101 list: Shoot at a gun range. Who's in?

My First Harley Ride

2010-02-24T14:16:00.000-08:00

Picture this: Cruising down PCH at 60 mph, wind in your face, holding on tightly to this person who has your life in his hands. The air is crisp and the clouds are closing in, but the sun is still shining through. The ocean is at the right and Catalina is visible in the distance. The thought that you could easily fly off the back of the bike at any moment makes it that much more exhilarating. He pulls your gloveless hands tighter around his chest. Your glasses and helmet rattle as you turn your head to look at the cliff where the waves are crashing violently against the rocks. He speeds up and you hold on tighter, but the faster he goes, the freer you feel.

Every now and then, a red light stops the speed. He offers his gloves, but the cool air feels amazing so you decline. He asks how you're doing. You're speechless... the only thing you can come up with is that it's better than any roller coaster. You have a permanent grin plastered on your face... Thank god he can't see you because you probably look like a fool. As your hair flutters in the wind, you realize you've been ruined. There's no way driving your car will ever get as good as riding on a loud, badass Harley. All those years of being terrified for motorcyclists as they passed you on the road, of telling the ones you love that they CAN NEVER get on a bike, of worrying that you'll see a rider fall off their bike in front of you are erased.

After stopping for coffee, you hop back on. You're more comfortable now. You hold on tighter as he speeds through the yellow light and down the hill. Cruising through Laguna, Corona del Mar and finally back into Newport, you don't want this to end. He speeds up Superior and you both lean into the slight curve. He pulls back up at the gym and it's over, but you know it's just beginning. You've fallen in love, found a new rush and there's no way this will be the last time you ride.

Crossfit and Paleo... yes, I've been sucked in.

2010-02-23T08:27:00.000-08:00

By now, ya'll know about my foray into Crossfit. The gnarly workout that will transform me into a badass bitch, in the best way. Along with the unique workout comes a unique diet. I'm not talking in terms of "I'm on a diet, I'm counting calories, I'm starving, I'm now a raging bitch". I mean diet in the overall way that I eat. (Is anyone else bothered that the word diet has come to mean a short-term fad way of eating? Annoys me to no end.)...

Over the last few months, I was unhappy with where my body was. Surgery really hindered my activity and so did Spongebob for, oh about 9 MONTHS before the useless surgery. I also allowed my mind to fall into the "all or nothing" trap for a while until late December, when I was finally comfortable working out again. Excuses included: I hate the elliptical, I didn't want to just work my arms, etc. In December, I started a class at 24 Hour Fitness. It was twice a week and we worked on strength and endurance. It generally kicked my ass and the teacher was rad. But then out of the blue, my knee started hurting. With each class, it got worse. But my membership was/is free (long story but I don't have to start paying until next year, when it'll be $8 per month. I know, right?). I was saving money "for the future," so I sucked it up or skipped a class here and there to manage the pain. Because ignoring pain has worked so well for me in the past...

Then the shit hit the fan and the first thing I did was ask myself "what can I do for me?" A completely selfish and totally justifiable question at that moment. My heart hurt and so did my knee. I had a couple extra bucks, so I knew the answer. It was time to put up or shut up. The next day, I checked out 2 crossfit gyms. The first was nice, but the second had the intensity that I was looking for. The women were badasses, something I'm striving for. I started my "on-ramp" (learning how to do the lifts and movements) classes the following Monday and I worked out with the group by Saturday. It happened so fast and it was exactly what I needed. When I've felt low and like crying, I hold out until 5:30 when I walk into Crossfit and every nasty feeling leaves my body. Every squat, deadlift, pull-up, 400m run or thruster pushes it out of my body. I leave exhausted and happy. Everything feels okay again... thank you endorphins!

That's exactly what happened last night, except even better. I've had to scale all my workouts so far because HELLO I AM WEAK. But last night, I did the workout AS PRESCRIBED (aka Rx). This is a really big deal to me. It means I did the weight that was listed, not less. No scaling. I AM A BADASS.

But I digress because I was going to tell you what I'm eating, which I started to blab about for 2.5 seconds before I got all lovey dovey about finally being able to workout again. So with this new regimen, comes a change in my diet. I'm attempting to go Paleo, albeit slowly since let's just be honest, I had some brioche yesterday and I enjoyed EVERY bite. But after I got home, glowing from my euphoria of doing the workout rx, I smelled macaroni cooking. Tough choice, but I declined my mother's homemade mac'n'cheese. Instead I made this:

Yes, I'm bragging, but this shit was good and I'm patting myself on the back for eating something that will make me feel so much better than mac'n'cheese. By the way, the greens are from my dad's garden, along with cucumbers, cauliflower, carrots and asparagus. I also made kale chips which I know sounds weird, but damn they are good when you just sprinkle some garlic seasoning on 'em!

Sometimes change is scary, but hot damn! It feels good right now.

101 Things in 1001 Days Update

2010-02-22T07:54:00.000-08:00

Depending on how long you've been stalking following my blog, you might have already seen this list. I felt like it was time to update. Not many things have changed, but I've gotten the ball rolling on a few of them, which I'll be able to complete/post about over the next 3-6 months. Despite going through some painful shit recently, it feels amazing to have ended the 'waiting game'. For too long, I was waiting to do some fun things until they could be done with that other person, or until I moved, or until I knew where I'd be living. Waiting, waiting waiting. I don't regret it but when it comes down to it, I'm not the person who waits... I DO. I make plans and I make things happen, so that's what I'm back to doing.

After evaluating my list, there were some obvious "unable to completes". I'm also questioning some other things although I'm not going to remove any of those quite yet (or tell you what they are!)

Start: June 15, 2009

End: March 12, 2012

Completed

In progress

Unable to complete

Fun

1. Enjoy a leisurely cup of coffee in a Parisian cafe

2. Attend a sporting event in another country

3. Attend a comedy show

4. Attend the Sound of Music sing along at the Hollywood Bowl

5. Attend 5 concerts (0/5)

6. Take a Bikram yoga class

7. Watch a movie at a drive-in

8. Shoot at a gun range

9. Learn to salsa dance

10. Learn a line dance, and do it confidently

11. Go to Madam’s Organ in D.C.

12. Swim in the pouring rain

13. Document 09/09/09, 10/10/10, 11/11/11

14. Try out for Amazing Race

15. Hit the batting cages

16. Send postcards from Europe

17. Join and participate 25 times in PostCrossing (0/25)

18. Go to a pumpkin patch, buy a pumpkin and carve it.

19. Go wine tasting

20. Party until the sun comes up

21. Celebrate my list’s completion

Blog

22. Make this list and post it to blog

23. Post new blog entry for every item completed

24. Meet a blog friend in person

25. Participate and successfully complete NaBloWriMo

26. Submit a list to The Secret Society of List Addicts

Finance

27. Contribute $10 to a trip fund for every task I complete (0/1010)

28. Pay off my credit card

29. Pay off $7,000 of my education loans (1369.48/7000)

30. Add $1,000 to my Roth IRA by the end of the 1001 days. (0/1000)

Adventure

31. Couch surf

32. Ride the London Eye

33. Climb the Eiffel Tower

34. Go topless at a topless beach

35. Climb Macchu picchu

36. Participate in a protest

37. Skydive

38. Roadtrip across the United States

39. See a real castle

40. Swim in the Atlantic ocean

41. Swim in the Mediterranean

42. Go camping three times (0/3)

43. Go to NYC

44. Complete “A-Z” challenge (towns, villages or cities) (16/26)

A=Alexandria , B=Barcelona, C=Carcassonne, D= , E= , F=Florence, G=Girona, H=Heyeres, I=Ibiza, J= , K= , L=London, M=Madrid, N=Newcastle, O= , P=Palma, Q= , R=Riomagiore , S=Segovia , T= , U= , V=Vernazza , W=Whitby , X= , Y= York, Z=

Challenge

45. Run a 5k in under 22 minutes

46. Run a half marathon

47. Run a marathon

48. Do a triathlon

49. Do 10 pull-ups in a row

50. Hike the El Moro path that I used to run (9 miles)

51. Learn to drive a stick-shift, comfortably enough to take it out by myself

52. Climb half dome

53. Spend a day without technology (cell, computer, iPod)

54. Give up celebrity gossip (stop looking at perezhilton.com)

55. Do 10 things on a whim, no planning (1/10)

1. Aimless driving turned into road trip adventure in VA, which led to photoshoot/26 things date at Cape Charles

56. Actively participate in Earth day

57. Move out

Education

58. Become a certified personal trainer

59. Take a class at OCC

60. Enroll in Grad school

Food

61. Cook 20 different dishes (7/20)

1. 2. Pizza on homemade pizza dough 3. Spinach, bacon and sweet potato salad 4. Stir-fried tofu and shrimp 5. Hummus 6. Eggplant Parmesan 7. Rigatoni

62. Bake 10 new recipes (3/10)

1. Snicker doodle cupcakes 2. Red Velvet cupcakes 3. Milk Chocolate chip cookies (Martha Stewart cookies, pg. 79)

63. Try 50 new bars/restaurants/cafes (15/50)

1. Thai Spice 2. Thai Bamboo 3. Kula (Revolving Sushi) 4. The Abbey 5. Pho 6. Kura sushi 7. Native Foods 8. Thai Ritz Cuisine 9. Dimples 10. Pho Bac 11. Greek Islands Cuisine 12. Pho Ha Noi 13. Modo Mio Cucina Rustica 14. Hamburger Mary’s 15. Koba Tofu House

64. Try Ethiopian food

65. Try Pho

66. Eat a meal at a Vegan restaurant (Native Foods in Costa Mesa)

67. Find a Sonic and have a meal there (9/08/09)

68. Visit a farmer’s market and make a meal from what I purchase

Creative

69. Create a new theme in my bedroom

70. Paint my room a softer color

71. Paint my bathroom

72. Make a Europe trip scrapbook

73. Make a Europe trip video using iMovie

74. Fill an entire journal

75. Private

76. Private

Purchase

77. Buy something off Etsy

78. Get a bike

79. Loan money through Kiva

80. Buy a lottery ticket

81. Buy a pair of Cole Haan shoes

82. Buy a car

83. Purchase a heart rate monitor/GPS and learn how to use it to my benefit

Love

84. Go on a “photo booth” date, hunting down photo booths in a city, and taking pictures at each one we find

85. Spend a holiday with L when he can’t come home

86. Go to D.C. With L

87. Send something to L every week for the one year (0/52)

Books/Movies

88. Read The World is Flat

89. Read the Harry Potter series again

90. Read 50 books I’ve never read (6/50)

1. Water For Elephants 2. A Year in the Merde 3. In the Merde for Love 4. 11 Minutes 5. Spy 6. Ghost

91. Watch 50 movies I’ve never seen (13/50)

1. Gran Torino 2. Revolutionary Road 3. Confessions of a Shopaholic 4. Star Trek 5. Taken 6. Inglorious Basterds 7. Breach 8. The Proposal 9.HP6 10. 27 Dresses 11. Riding Giants 12. Marley and Me 13. Where The Wild Things Are

92. Watch all three Lord of the Rings movies (1/3)

Etc.

93. Watch a sunrise

94. Make a list of 1000 things that make me happy (0/1000)

95. Have a low-key birthday

96. Do something fantastic for another birthday

97. Let my hair grow to the middle of my back

98. Change my voting status from Absentee to voting in the booth at elections.

99. Go to the movies by myself

100. Get a facial

101. Make a “life list” of places I want to see, things I want to do

Foto Friday

2010-02-19T08:18:00.000-08:00

Walking through the streets of D.C., during my first trip 6 years ago... can't believe it's been that long since I first fell in love with that city. It was bitterly cold, especially for a Southern California girl. My eyes were stinging from the cold wind and my friend handed me her pair of 'grandma' glasses (this was a few years before these big glasses became super stylish again). I thought I looked hilarious and wanted a picture... but we couldn't stop because the group I was with was on a timeline. So we did one quick picture as we were walking. Turns out it was my favorite picture from the whole trip. One of my favorite pictures of all time. Happiness, laughing, excitement and literally moving forward.

Happy Friday :)

I love You

2010-02-17T21:54:00.000-08:00

Remember that "perspective" that I mentioned in the beginning of my last post?

Here's some inspiring perspective. Read that, then come back so the rest of this makes sense and I don't look too crazy for what I'm about to say...

So I'm going to take Neil's advice on this one and say I LOVE YOU. If you're my family, I love you. If you're my best girlfriend, I love you. If you read this blog and leave me amazing comments, I love you. If you're a lurker reading the blog and never leave comments, I love you. If you broke my heart, I love you. If you're a friend that I haven't spoken to in a long time, I love you.

Point is, no matter what happened in the past, I could never forgive myself if something happened to you, or you, or you over yonder, and I didn't tell you that I loved you. It's something that I don't say very much to the people closest to me. I actually have an aversion to it. I feel like it's over used. Except that right now, I'm trying to fill myself with love so anger can't fill me instead. I'm not sure how to do that, so basically I'm going to try everything. Maybe if I put enough love out into the world, some of it'll come back to fill me up.

So you, reader, whoever you are, I love you.

Choice

2010-02-16T22:37:00.000-08:00

I know there are many more terrible things than breakups. I tell myself that I'm not grieving a death, I'm not homeless because of a terrible disaster and I'm not ill with cancer or some awful disease. Perspective helps from time to time. But despite those reminders, it's been hard to shake that nasty feeling at the pit of my stomach. The feeling that tells me something's wrong. I keep getting it and I want to scream at my intuition that YES I KNOW SOMETHING IS WRONG PLEASE STOP REMINDING ME, thank you.

I'll start running it through my head, asking the whys and hows of it all. I wish I could believe the answer that I was finally able to yank out of him on Saturday. But I don't. My gut is screaming SOMETHING'S WRONG! My heart is crying for the truth, THE COLD HARD TRUTH. But my brain keeps gently telling me it's time to move forward, that maybe while I don't have to accept the reasoning, it's time to accept the situation as it is.

I can be bitter and dwell. I can let the negativity fester within me, allowing the anger to rot my heart. I've gone down that road before. The high school boyfriend... I still have frequent dreams about him. It took me years to get over him and then when I felt like we were finally able to be friends, he 86'd our friendship. THAT'S what made me bitter. Over the last 18 months (coincidence?) I felt like I'd finally allowed myself to let go of that anger. Maybe I subconsciously knew that I couldn't hold onto anger while loving so whole-heartedly. It was one or the other and I chose love. Suddenly the HS BF was in my dreams weekly, but it wasn't weird. He was always just a friend and we were hanging out like the old times when we were just buddies and innocent high school freshman. Perhaps it was my subconscious saying "hey Brooke, atta girl... it's okay to let go and forgive what he did."

On the other end of the spectrum, I've taken the different path and accepted situations for what they were. A summer fling that ends with us both returning to our senior year of college, 12 hours apart. Neither one of us did or said anything to hurt the other. It was probably the most innocent love and it was so much fun. It ran it's course and I've got to admit, I think he's the only guy that I've ever dated that I still have only good things to say about. I learned a lot from him and that short relationship, way more than he'll ever know.

Here I am, at this crossroads again, except this time it's the end of a relationship that I truly believed would be the one that lasted a lifetime. It was more love than I've ever felt and what I gave was far beyond what I ever offered before. Then to have it all ruined and I'm left with nothing in a few short days. How can I not be angry? Because I'm very angry right now. I feel so disrespected, completely walked all over and lied to. How could I have loved someone that was willing to end it the way he did? Who is this person? If I didn't really know who he was until now, could I have really loved him before?

That's what my heart is asking, nay SCREAMING, and it's really hard to ignore what my heart's saying. But my mind says, step back... take a chill pill. Let's make this a little easier on that broken little heart there and break this into 2 different phases/eras/chapters: before the break up and after. Hmm... I never made that delineation in the past. Maybe that's the reason why bitterness was able to find a home within me for some time. So what do I do with this 'before and after' idea?

I need to accept that people change. Maybe we don't like who they've become, but it's possible to like and love who they were. I know nothing about HS BF now... he's a stranger to me. But I'm able to look back at the fun we had when we were just BFFs, when we fell in puppy-love and all the good times we shared. I imagine and hope for the same with S.S. A few years down the road we'll be strangers but hopefully I'll be able to think about the good times without being haunted by how it all ended.

I'll continue to practice accepting and letting go. I refuse to allow bitterness and anger to find a home within me. I will always choose love and I will continually open myself up to the positive, beautiful things life has to offer.

Weekend Recap

2010-02-15T09:16:00.000-08:00

Oh the weekend... Despite being excited for everything I mentioned on Friday, I was still apprehensive. After repeatedly getting excited about a day and then having everything turn out shitty, I was hoping for the best, expecting less. Friday was a rocky start that left me drained, so I wasn't feeling great about the 3 days of vacation that lay ahead of me.

Saturday, I finished my Crossfit elements. Thought I was done and the trainer goes "So are you gonna stay for the workout?" Um, there wasn't really a choice because I started to hesitate and asked what it was and he laughed! Called me out on 'cherry picking'. Okay fine, I took that as a challenge and went for it. Hello ass whooping! It was difficult, but oh my god it felt so good to move my body and sweat like a beast. Sexy right? We worked in pairs and I was coupled off with a cool guy who's been there for awhile. Slightly intimidating to be working out with a guy, but it went well. It reminded me why I chose Crossfit. The boys believe the girls can do the workouts just as well as they can and nobody lets anyone slack. I felt so comfortable that I took my shirt off. Pasty skin and all.

Oh, and did I mention that after weeks of rain and cloudy skies, this weekend was absolutely gorgeous?! Completely clear skies, about 75 degrees on Saturday and the sun is beginning to set later in the evening. Spring is in the air :)

Saturday afternoon, my family adopted the new edition to our family: Buddy. Eh, I mean Duke. I think.

Duke is 16 months old and the family that we adopted him from has a new baby and no time for him. The guy looked seriously depressed giving up his dog... so sad. But we knew we were getting a keeper. The Duke is one smart cookie except that he thinks he's the size of a miniature doberman pincher (the family had 2 of them). Because of this, he has no clue that he can EASILY scale a baby gate or hop a 2 foot fence. Hilarious. He wasn't house trained when we got him, and he's caught on in 2 days. Mostly...

Bonding time with Duke.

Saturday also brought a Costco trip (we all know how much I love my Costco trips and the samples I get to eat!). I also got to see my old co-worker Diane. It's odd because she's also going through a breakup right now and the parallels are almost unnerving. Sharing our stories made me realize that although this shit is painful, I'm beginning to see that it's all for the best and I'm going to be better off.

SUNDAY! Yesterday, my girlfriends (plus one guy) went to Hamburger Mary's in Long Beach. First of all, it was 80 degrees. Second, we were surrounded by gays and drag queens. I swear our straight guy friend was ready to go gay after about 2 hours of tossing back the mimosas... our waiter was THAT HOT. The drag show was hilarious and I decided I need more gays in my life. I NEED A GAY BEST FRIEND.

Afterwards, I dragged my drunk friends to the LA Times Travel and Adventure Expo. We had free tickets... how could we not go? I entered into 5 different contests and I'm sure I'll start getting a crapload of junk mail, but WHAT IF I WIN?! I walked within 5 feet of Rick Steves, who's a bit taller than I thought. The rest of it was actually kinda lame. But maybe I'll get an email today that I won a trip for 2 to Sweden! Or Napa! Or Laughlin for house boating! Yeah...

How was your weekend?

Happy Friday!

2010-02-12T08:22:00.000-08:00

Guys! I actually have a real weekend, and it starts on a Saturday, ends on Tuesday. I can't remember the last time I had a traditional 3-day weekend. Tomorrow I'll finish my Crossfit "On Ramp" class, and I'll start training with everyone on Monday! On Saturday afternoon, my family is going to see a 1-year-old boxer named Buddy.... Yeahhhhhh Budddayyyyyyy (Please do yourself a favor, click that link and watch the video). Fingers crossed, we might have a new puppy bounding around our house this weekend :)

Sunday, my girlfriends and I are going up to LA for the LA Times Travel and Adventure Show... I'm planning on finding a drawing for a free trip, entering it and winning. Wish me luck!

Each day gets a little better than the last, and yesterday I actually went for a run. It hurt so good. This morning, I came across this song:

It's Ok Go, the same guys that did that crazy treadmill performance for Here We Go Again. Now they've got the Notre Dame band in on their shenanigans. The song is called This Too Shall Pass. Appropriate, no?

Happy Friday!

Crossfit

2010-02-10T17:50:00.000-08:00

After a very long week, today was refreshingly relaxed. It was a normal day... oh except that I went to Crossfit! If you've never heard of it before, go here. I've been wanting to do it for about a year now, and I don't have any reason to put it off anymore. I checked out a couple local CF gyms on Friday and after watching a workout, I knew immediately which gym was the perfect fit. I've completed 2 of the 3 basic element classes, and I start normal workouts on Monday. I'm aiming for a pull-up by my birthday. That gives me 2 months... my ultimate goal is 10 in a row (that's #49 on my list of 101 things).

Definitely a male-dominated workout, but the girls don't appear to take any shit and one girl at my gym can overhead squat her own body weight. I know, right?!

I like what this chick has to say:

And then there's this badass bitch (the song's perfect):

There are a shit-ton of videos on YouTube and I love watching the women of Crossfit looking better than the boys. There's so much strength in their compact little bodies.

I committed to 12 months at the gym, so you'll be seeing updates from time to time and you can be sure that I'll be broadcasting it to the world when I get my 10 pull-ups.

How?

2010-02-08T20:12:00.000-08:00

How do you get out of the habit of checking the time and adding 3 hours to figure out what time it is there?
How do you get out of the habit of thinking about him first thing in the morning and the last thing at night?
How do I summon the nerve to delete him from my phone?
How do I stop wondering if I'm gonna hear from him?

When will my heart stop beating quickly every time my phone buzzes, wondering if it's gonna be a message from him?
When will I understand any of this?
When will I be able to eat again?
When will my heart accept what my mind's already come to terms with?

I was really excited for Monday, but it turned out to be a rough day. I questioned myself for hours because of one tweet and I don't even know whether it was directed at me. But if it was, I would feel horrible. Inevitably, I do feel horrible.

My tough girl facade lasted all of 3 days.

2010-02-08T09:01:00.000-08:00

After Friday's post, I'm sure it's not difficult to guess what's happened in my life. S.S. and I broke up last Thursday. It's something that I'm having a very hard time understanding. I hope someday it'll make sense, but until then I've got to just accept it and move forward.

I've gone from a place of total security and love, to feeling like the ground gave way beneath me, leaving me falling and gasping for air. The only warning sign was my gut telling me that something was wrong. It was completely out of the blue and nothing like how he's acted over the last 10 months of dating and 8 months of emailing during his deployment before that. 18 months of knowing a person inside and out and having completely opened myself up to him in a way that neither of us had before, and then in one week everything changes and I'm shut out. It's quite possibly the most bizarre experience I've ever gone through. Certainly the most painful.

I won't allow myself to believe that it's about me or that I did something wrong. I can say that while I gave everything I had to make it work, I didn't I lose myself in the process. I've remained true to myself every step of the way and I have no regrets.

So here I am, back at square one. Still in the same place I've always been, except now my plans have been completely altered. I'm no longer moving away to be with the person I love. I am single and I am here, indefinitely.

I'm picking up the pieces and I'm putting myself back together stronger, better and happier than before. I'm no longer putting off anything that I was waiting to do or had put on hold until my life was more concrete. There's no better time to skydive, to try out for the Amazing Race, to teach abroad, to try crossfit, and to make new friends. I see the potential for the next year and it looks amazing. I have a plane ticket credit that'll cost $150 to use (thanks American Airlines... really? I could understand $50, but that's just ridiculous) but I intend to use it to go somewhere I've never been. New York? Atlanta? Chicago? It's just me now, and I can do anything I want.

Always moving forward...

Tweet Tweet

2010-02-07T08:09:00.000-08:00

Hey homies... do you follow me on twitter yet? You should. The end.

Foto Friday

2010-02-05T05:34:00.001-08:00

My "anchors" (a la Housewives of OC)

Thanks to my girls, I now have fabulous Valentine's Day plans.

The Domestic Partner

The most perceptive and intuitive person I know... without fail, gives the best advice.

My mom
She knows when her non-touchy-feely daughter needs hugs. Tells me when I'm right and when I'm wrong. Calls to check on me. Loves me unconditionally.

Non-photographable things that keep me going: Phone calls from Spain, texts from my bests friends, BBMs from blog-friends and friends-in-real-life, emails and a sick sister who was willing to take me to Jamba Juice because I can't eat anything. (The last thing is photographable, but I don't think anyone needs to see how much of a mess we both looked.)

Always moving forward, only in a new direction now.

2010-02-03T07:31:00.001-08:00

For the first time in my life, I really trusted my gut and didn't question my sanity when I knew something was wrong. I'm so proud of myself in that sense. After 5 days of a growing knot in my stomach, everything came out last night. It's not something I feel like going into detail about right now, but I feel like I'm legitimized now. I KNEW something was wrong, despite very little concrete evidence. The only thing is that I was way off in my guess of what was going on. But something was wrong, and unfortunately, still is. My heart still feels like it was ripped out of my chest, and I truly don't know how it will heal. I mean, I know it'll heal, but I'm not sure when or how.

I know I'm being vague, but in due time...

Send positive thoughts friends, they are needed.

Wah wahhhh

2010-02-02T07:46:00.000-08:00

Debbie-Downer post below. Fair warning, proceed with caution.

Monday was a no-good, very bad day. Nothing really bad happened, but you know when every little thing that could go wrong does? Yeah... my computer was acting weird when all I wanted to do was just watch the dumbass (and TOTALLY GAY) bachelor. I broke down after it wouldn't work. You know that if you're crying because you can't even watch a show that you don't even like, something is wrong. AND IT'S NOT EVEN CLOSE TO BEING THAT TIME.

My usual Monday strength-and-endurance gym class was impossible to get through (everybody else seemed fine, I was just suddenly a weak-ass). Drivers were acting ridiculous. My back hurt a lot during yoga. There was no good music on the radio. Yes, I worked out twice. You would think the endorphins would make me glow... they did just the opposite. (Can't you just hear that the little Debbie Downer noise: Wah wahh wahhhhhh)

My day off was ruined because of nothing and everything. All I needed was a hug and a little attention, but that didn't happen. I'm usually good at finding the silver lining too, and I just couldn't find it anywhere.

Just be thankful if you were fortunate not to have crossed paths with me. Annnnd my rant is over.

Linky loo

2010-02-01T11:26:00.001-08:00

I love Lily Allen and I can't stop listening to this remix of It's Not Me. It's You.

Could you wear a little black dress for 28 days in a row? My friend Nicole is doing it this month!

And my friend Ursula is doing "This Book Will Change Your Life"... it's kinda funny, especially when I found out why she said "Indubitably" to me one day.

One of my favorite blogs to keep up with is Ask A Manager and this question cracked me up... reminds me of an old coworker.

"And she makes these noises that honestly sound as though she's about to have a sexual experience. Most days I feel like I'm working in the porno industry."

When I was in the U.K. last summer, there was this song that MTV kept playing that I loved, but I'd forgotten about it until last night. I finally figure it out after looking through old music charts from June:

I read this and found myself nodding my head the whole time... and now I'm also craving sushi. 10 days 'til I see my Sailor!

Foto Friday

2010-01-29T08:07:00.000-08:00

My European Adventure in pictures:

Last week, I left off heading to the South of France. I skipped Marseille and headed to Hyeres (I think it's pronounced Yayr, rhyming with 'bear', with a snotty French accent mixed in. But don't take my word for it.) I stayed with Ursula's wonderful mom, who showed me around the beautiful country side where she lived with her husband. They took me out for Moules-Frites (mussels in a sauce, with a side of fries). SO YUMMY. Behold, my only picture there:

Oh yeah and then she tagged me in this gemmer:

Large beer, large bucket of mussels, great company, and it was THAT light at 8pm. So happy there.

I hated leaving Beatriz but I was recharged and rearing to go for the final leg of the trip which began with Nice. I got there and as I was trying to figure out how to get to the hostel, I saw two guys that looked just about as out of place me. So I started talking to them, and they were Canadian, Eh! Super nice guys. Unfortunately, I never got pictures with them. But we went to dinner then headed to the hostel, The Villa Saint Exupery, which was THE BOMB. Bar downstairs, free computer use, FREE BREAKFAST, a kitchen that you could order food from or make your own, and TONS of Aussies. I made friends with a huge group of girls, whom I went adventuring with the following day:

Proof I was there!

The beach was busy and gorgeous. We ended up walking around that hill on the left side and into the harbor....

It was beautiful and we had a couple drinks at a little pub before heading back. The next day I ventured to the Nice Fruit and Flower market. Look at the olives!!

And the flowers!

And the candy!

I also happened to slip in a lil' day trip to Monaco with one of the Awesome Aussies:

About as close as I'll ever come to getting into the Monte Carlo

This is basically the whole country, plus a hillside full of houses to the left... this is the view we got while hiking up through the city, on our way to the Prince's Palace of Monaco.

And then I found a yellow submarine just outside of the Oceanographic Museum (which is literally perched on the side of a cliff)

Although this was a huge dose of pictures, there are so many more that just don't convey the story that plays in my head when I look at them. Italy's up next, but that's going to take a few weeks to do it justice. Amazing people, incredible food and scrumptious wine which all did a bloody good job of distracting me from being lonely. Until next week...

Book Club update

2010-01-28T08:22:00.000-08:00

Must not blog. Must. Finish. Emma.

I'm just a little more than halfway through it, and our first book club meeting is on Monday. Shit.

Love Letters

2010-01-26T08:25:00.001-08:00

Each week, I'll be posting a love letter to something or someone that fills me with love and joy. 50% tongue in cheek and 100% full of lurve.

This is a special edition for all the runners out there.

Dear Running,

I miss you. We've been off and on for almost a year now. Way more off than on. We had a really good thing there for awhile. I finally hit the mileage I wanted last February, after months of diligent work and learning to love and appreciate you on a different level than I ever did during all those years and miles in high school. I didn't appreciate you then. I apologize for that... I was pretty bratty back in the day. But last year, we had a REALLY good thing going.

You inspired euphoric posts like this. I mean, only people on drugs get that happy, right? Normal people do not get that excited about sweating profusely and pushing their bodies through 5 miles as quick as possible. But Running, you made me that happy without smoking something out of a pipe, and that feeling lasts far longer than any drug that's out there. Not that I know or anything, okay??

After a difficult day, you were the first thought in my head. Driving home from work, all I could think about was lacing up my shoes, swiping some glide on my thighs (runners: don't act like you're not in love with this stuff), and trotting down to my corner to start my 5 miles. After a mile, any negativity was sweating out my pores and I was able to get into the zone with you. Nothing could keep us apart. I planned my days around you, and I even got up at 5:15am EVERY MORNING for a few months when the time first changed and I was afraid I'd be hit by the Dodos driving home in the evening at dusk.

You relieved my stress, kept me fit, allowed me to eat ice cream on a regular basis, and kept me *ahem* regular. Because of you, I could relate to a special group of people on a level that most can't: runners who are just as fanatical about you as I am!!

Then I started to get faster. Remember the race last year!? It was incredible! I kept wondering when I was going to hit the wall. At about 2.5 miles I realized that we were killing it and I was going to have a better time than some races in high school. I managed 23:51 for that 5k, and that's when I started dreaming big. I knew I'd hit my mileage by the end of February and then I'd begin training for a half and then sometime in the future (i.e, NOW) I'd be tackling a marathon. I even planned to run all over Europe.

Then the pain that I'd been foolishly ignoring became so bad that I limped home for 2.5 miles one day, whimpering the whole time. I didn't go to the doctor because I knew it would ruin my Europe plans. All my funds would be re-directed to fixing my foot. Yes, it sounds a little backwards, but I just couldn't give up Europe. I hoped it would heal. I thought it was a fracture that would just go away if I kept off it. At first, it got better. But we all know how this story goes now. IT WAS A GANGLION CYST.

I didn't run in Europe, and the pain was tolerable. I got home, had x-rays and finally an MRI. There it was. SPONGEBOB GANGLION CYST. The bastard that ruined my time with you, Running. The doctor thought it would go away. IT DIDN'T. Then I had surgery to make it go away. IT DIDN'T. The doctor also told me that in his 30 years of practicing, he's only seen maybe one other cyst that was this persistent. GREAT!

Yes, I just rambled on about our nemesis for a bit there, I apologize. The thing is, I miss you. I have a hard time reading my favorite running blogs, or talking about you because I start to get upset. I never opened last month's Runner's World because it would've depressed me too much. It pains me because I thought I'd be back to running by now. But at this point, I have no idea how long it will be until we can start a routine again together.* Terrible, I know.

I will still sneak you in every now and then, even though it takes a couple days for my demonic foot to recover. I hope when I do come crawling back to you, that you'll have me. Because you have me until my dying day.

All my love,

Brooke

*If anyone has any suggestions or knowledge about getting rid of a ridiculously persistent ganglion cyst, feel free to let me know. No, smashing it with a bible or heavy book is not an option. Perhaps acupuncture. I'm also open to voodoo spells.

Foto Friday

2010-01-22T08:57:00.000-08:00

Last week, I left off in Girona and Figueres, Spain. They're right on the Southern French/Spanish border. Take a lucky guess where I went next... Yes, FRANCE! It was a long, annoying journey that taught me to NEVER AGAIN TRAVEL ON A SUNDAY. Because when you're stuck at the train station for 6 hours, there's nothing to do in a little town that's shut down for the day. But I made it to Carcassonne later that evening...

Traipsing through the city...

Knock knock!

On my way up to the fortress...

Dear fellow tourists: when taking my picture, could you get more of the surroundings and LESS OF ME please?

Yup.

A little view of the city through the walls of the fortress.

It really was amazing and no picture will ever do it justice.

Funny story: I was walking back to my hotel and I really wanted a picture from this vantage point. I walked up to a couple and pointed to my camera, like "Hey can you take my picture pretty please?" The wife smiled warmly and was about to say yes, and the dude was like NO and couldn't get away from me faster. I was seriously flabbergasted. Like, hey I know I don't look my best but I'm not a monster! Turns out he thought I was asking them if they wanted me to take their picture for money! OMG, seriously dude?! We all had a laugh about it before they agreed to take my picture, but I will never forget that guy's ridiculous reaction, like I was a friggin' leper.

I then walked back to my hotel and proceeded to cry for 3 hours. That's about when I decided I'm never traveling by myself again. I was SO LONELY, and what made it worse was that I wasn't in a hostel, so I couldn't walk down . I was also in a "less than desirable" area, so I didn't wanna go chill outside with the creepy dudes lurking along the street. Probably the worse night of my entire trip. The next day, I went to Hyeres to stay with Ursula's mom. Then I was happy!

I love airports.

2010-01-20T09:29:00.000-08:00

I have a confession to make: I love airports. I love picking people up, waiting for my flight, spending time during a layover, and arriving at my destination.

My love for airports began at a young age. My dad would often go on business trips and fly back home on Friday evenings, and we'd go pick him up as a family. Of course, this was pre-9/11, so we'd make our way through security, find his gate and wait for his plane to arrive. Sometimes we'd get candy or food at one of the shops. Other times, we might talk to some of the people waiting for their loved-ones. I'm certain that was the impetus for my love of people watching and all things psychology. Some people were met with an enormous hug, or a big smile. Others kept on walking to the exit, not a soul to greet them upon their arrival.

I was 8 when I flew for the first time, and by myself too. I was a brave kid. Actually, I don't think I flew with people I knew until I was 16, for a class trip. I was 22 when I finally flew somewhere with my family. I could say this contributed to my independence but let's be real. I came out of the womb all independent and trying to do shit myself, like "Excuse me, I'LL CUT MY OWN UMBILICAL CORD thank you."

All those times spent at the airport translated to adventure for me. The trip that lay before me was great cause for excitement, so HELLO, the airport was too! I think it only took a few trips to forever link airports to happiness. I still get kinda giddy when I'm leaving my house with my suitcase. I'm lucky that I've never had to travel for business nor have I been stuck somewhere due to inclement weather. I've never had to get on a plane to attend a funeral far away. The worst I've experienced is a few hours of delays. My luggage has always managed to find it's way to that cold, gray luggage beltway, and back to me without being lost. [Sidenote: I told my boyfriend what I just wrote and he was actually kinda pissed. "You like airports??! WAIT, YOU WALK AROUND, EXPLORING IN AIRPORTS?! WTF." Then we got in a fist fight over the phone.]

In the last couple years, I've started experiencing lay-overs, a thorn in most people's sides. But you guys already know this about me: I love adventure. To me, a lay-over means exploring a new place, checking out the architecture and seeing what shops or yummy food the airport has (okay it really is just all about the food here). Plus there are the windows. Every airport has thousands of windows, to watch planes come and go. They pummel down the runway at break-neck speed until the nose suddenly tips up and they're off, or they're cruising JUST above the ground until that instant when you see the dust POOF up and the plane comes screeching to a halt. It's all at my finger tips, this crazy little city with people and enormous aircrafts coming and going every minute. I lurrve it.

My favorite airports:

Orange County Airport aka John Wayne aka SNA aka It's 4 miles from my house

Source

Dallas Fort Worth aka DFW aka IT HAS FUTURISTIC MAGICAL TRAMS!

Source

San Diego aka SAN aka FLYING BETWEEN SKYSCRAPERS!!

Source

Okay, so now everyone can bop me over the head for LIKING layovers, airports and flying. Oh yeah, and I was inspired by this article. Read it. Then you can tell me I'm a douche bag.

Monday

2010-01-18T08:27:00.000-08:00

At this moment, it's cold (51 degrees is freezing for me), it's windy and it's wet. Alright, you all know I'm a Southern California girl, so let's just move right past the whole part about me not knowing about weather because we don't get "weather" here (it's always sunny and 75 degrees, blahbidy blah blah blah).

I'm pretty sure it rained all night, and there's nothing more comforting to me than waking up in the middle of the night for 2.5 seconds, hearing the rain pitter-pattering on the roof outside my window, and falling back to sleep. While we're on the subject, let's talk about that sleep for a second. I had the WEIRDEST dreams. In each one, I was talking to someone I don't know (or haven't talked to in years) about some of the oddest things. I'm still tripping out over the last one I had, where I was having a really great conversation with my high school boyfriend.... I haven't spoken to him in almost exactly 6 years for things that seemed terrible and unforgivable then. Now, it all seems trivial.

Something else to note about my dreams: they were in color. I don't dream in color. Do you guys? Mine are always hazy and grayish. I ate something funky on Saturday night that I was paying for yesterday, so maybe that was it?? WEIRDNESS. Whatever. Back to the weather.

Supposedly, we're being hit with 5 back-to-back storms this week. I know right? With something like 8 inches of rain. WHOA. We usually don't even get that in a year. WE BURN, REMEMBER?? And shake. But we don't get buckets full of rain. So for the next week, I'll be putting on my rainboots (um, yeah I donated those a couple months ago), wearing my rain coat (nope, I definitely do NOT have one of those) and opening up my umbrella (hmm. I think mine's broken) to enjoy this beautiful weather! Whatever, I'm veggin' on the couch watching Jersey Shore, kids. Who wants to beat the beat with me?

Foto Friday

2010-01-15T07:54:00.000-08:00

You guys! I realized that I've been leaving you hanging! I haven't finished showing you pictures of my European adventure. We left off in Barcelona with my wanderlust-filled BFF Ursula. But there were 3 more weeks of traveling after that. So I give you Girona and Figueres (birth place of Dali):

A yummy meal

Climbing up the 600-year-old city walls...

The hike...

...but the view was unreal.

Off to Figueres for the Dali museum

Let's sidetrack for a minute for a small story about Figueres: I was on the 45 minute train ride, and as I'm getting off the train, I notice a woman holding a book with a library sticker in the corner that says "Orange County Public Library" and it's from MY LIBRARY. First thought: How did this stolen Rick Steves book make it all the way to this small town in Spain?! Then I straight up asked, "Hey, I'm from that city! Are you?" Yes... they live a mile away from me. This cute little couple took a vacation for their anniversary, left the kids and headed to Spain for 5 days. To top it off, I'm at my job in November and this familiar looking lady says "Hey! We met in Spain at the Dali museum!" IT WAS HER! Everyone has their 'small world' experiences, and this was mine. Back to the pictures.

I'm SUCH a good photographer. (Ignore my terrible photography skills for a sec, and check out the wall of the museum. That's bread. Dali was obsessed with bread. He was also a bit of a freak.)

Those blue hangy things? Condoms.

Side view of Dali's Mae West installation, one of his most famous pieces...

The illusion is complete when you walk up the platform and stand behind her hair. It's preeeettty rad.

This is on the ceiling... Dali and his wife, Gala, going to Heaven.

Dali's final resting place.

I saw quite a few of Dali's paintings throughout Europe, including my favorite, El Gran Masturbador (yes, that means what you're thinking it does) at the Reina Sofia in Madrid. His art is beautiful, but easily offensive. I think that's what is great about his creations: to this day, they still draw people in and get a reaction. Dali remains relevant beyond his life.

Love Letters

2010-01-13T07:32:00.001-08:00

On Saturday night, my girls and I hit a local club where Ursula works, for Gay Night: Britney Vs. Gaga. I know right?! I've never been to a gay club or 'gay night' at a club, so this was a new experience for me... and one I will likely make a habit out of.

Dear Gays,

You boys are spectacular. You all looked fierce, even those of you who weren't dressed in drag as Lady gaga. There is something about the way you boys can put an outfit together that just makes me idolize you guys. Then we hit the dance floor. Instead of the uncomfortable humping and bumping that I've always dealt with from the straight dudes, you guys actually *danced*. You faced me (instead of creeping up behind me to rub your crotch against my butt) and had MOVES. I didn't even know what to do with myself, it was that amazing! I tried emulating your ways, and you were sweet enough not to laugh. Then Single Ladies came on. Usually this makes all the girls scream. This time, all the girls AND the boys screamed. And the boy in the orange shirt busted out THE WHOLE DANCE. No mistakes... it was amazing and I bowed down to you. I love watching people dance (as in real dance moves, not the grinding shit) and you, my dear, made my night complete. But it was only 10:45!!!

Then I found my new gay boyfriend on the dance floor. Actually, there were 3. We had dance offs and then Sexy Bitch came on and I WAS YOUR SEXY BITCH. It was epic. I only had 3 drinks the whole night because, for once I felt totally secure being at a club, dancing around. The Gays were not judging me. Instead, they made me feel gorgeous, talented and like a hot commodity. In a sea of dark outfits, I was actually happy to stand out in my bright blue dress. (Okay, to be honest, Nicole was wearing a Britney outfit, and Mya was wearing white, so we all stood out, looking sexy).

Then you boys performed on stage, cross dressing and lip-singing to Gaga. Your outfits were to die for. Your performances enthralled me (except for the dude that sang a Mika song... wtf? You were a bit weird.) The reaction from the crowd made me giddy. Never have I experienced so much enthusiasm and pure fun at a club. I suspect this will only ever happen at the gay clubs, and I'm alright with that.

As we were about to leave (and after I told off the annoying drunk straight dude for pulling my hair), a guy that had been standing near us walked by and really sweetly said, "You have really pretty hair." Then he was gone like a ghost disappearing into the myst. I need more of you guys in my life. Yes, my boyfriend tells me that I'm beautiful and amazing all the time, so I'm not lacking in the attention department. But your fierceness carries a certain authority on beauty, and when you tell me my hair is really pretty, THEN IT MUST BE SO.

In summation, thank you, gays, for being hot dudes that don't make me uncomfortable. You're fun to look at, dance with and talk to. You don't make things awkward and you think I'm pretty. You also recognize how tough it is to rock these 4 inch heals on the dance floor.

All my love,

Brooke

Anonymous

2010-01-12T08:26:00.000-08:00

To the anonymous commenter who left the following:

Your blog keeps getting better and better! Your older articles are not as good as newer ones you have a lot more creativity and originality now keep it up!

I'm struggling to say "thank you" because of the back-handedness of this statement. I really appreciate your honesty and accept the compliment, but that stung a little bit. My old posts are my babies, too and I like them just as much as my newer posts.

What this post is really about: I like knowing who's commenting, so no more anonymous commenters! I've been meaning to change that setting... Thanks for the reminder.

But seriously? This wasn't one of those bizarre, ruthless anonymous comments tearing my blog apart, just a constructive comment, so I'll take it. Anyways, back to our normally scheduled programming.

Here's the deal.

2010-01-11T12:00:00.001-08:00

Today is my Saturday. Two days off to sit on my butt, catch up on crappy tv, paint my nails, go to the gym and avoid crazy ass parents who think *their child's party* is the MOST important thing on my agenda. (Yes, my job involves planning events, etc. for A LOT of families. There's more to it but I'd rather not go in depth, so as to avoid having my blog found by people at work.)

I work every weekend and somewhere during the week, I take 2 days off. I'm not going to complain here because this is the first job I've ever had where I snap my fingers and 2 hours have passed. Yesterday, I went to take care of one small thing and the next time I looked at my watch, an hour had passed. I'll take it. But since my days off are during the week, I've started to feel discombobulated. I have to really think about what day it is. A Sunday feels like a Friday and a Wednesday feels like a Monday (at least for this week). It's not necessarily a bad thing, but it's weird.

I also deal with some interesting people. In one day, I can get the best compliment and have extremely happy parents, but the next family is so unhappy (WHAT DO YOU MEAN OUR JUICE BOXES WEREN'T PASSED OUT? WE HAVE EXTRA JUICE BOXES NOW. I'M SO UPSET.) I like to think of my job as a study in psychology sometimes. My minor was psych, so this shit can be fascinating at times. The biggest thing I've come to realize is that happy parents=happy kids, anxious parents=anxious kids and angry parents=angry kids... you get the picture. Most of the parents that come through don't realize how much their mood and behavior is directly affecting their children. Maybe I'm wrong and the parents already know this. But if they know it, how can they go on acting like assholes to the staff and their family, knowing that little Ella (or Finn, Jaxson, etc., the names are getting interesting these days) will see their behavior and believe that if mommy is doing it, then it must be okay.

There is a flip side. The mellow parents who don't give a shit if they forgot the extra tablecloth or if their guests are late. They're happy and smiling, and so are their kids. It's beautiful. I'm serious. I want to personally thank these parents on behalf of society for knowing when to chill out and passing that knowledge down to their children, who will be better for it.

I also spend 3 or more hours on the phone everyday with these people weeks before their parties, arranging things and answering any questions they have. It's fascinating how important these parties become for some parents. They OBSESS over the details and some will call and email 10 times before a party. It's one thing if they were spending thousands of dollars. But they're not. (Might I add that the people who ARE spending thousands DO NOT obsess. They are usually very easy to deal with.) Most people are reasonable and give me hope for the human race. But there are those SPECIAL ones who seem to think I'm their personal concierge for the party. This has been a test of my inability to say no, and I can proudly tell you all that I've learned not to feel guilty for uttering the word no. NO you cannot have an extra half hour, NO you may not have a PINATA IN AN INDOOR FACILITY and NO you may not have alcoholic beverages at a children's birthday party, thank you very much. It's been really good for me.

So that's my job, my deal, my gig. I like it.

RIP Lola

2010-01-04T14:07:00.001-08:00

My beloved Lola was put down this morning after a week of collapsing and illness. I'm broken. We had 9 years with the best dog I've ever known. I already miss her so much. I can't believe this is real.

Karaoke!

2010-01-04T08:21:00.000-08:00

Do you have a terrible singing voice? Do you love dive bars where the dirty old man-owner asks for hugs? Do you enjoy spazzing out in front of 40-50 people?

Singing "Fancy" by Reba

I do... and I did on Saturday night. Woot woot! I actually have videos but due to some very convenient technical difficulties, I'm not able to post those. I'm sure Sal the owner will be happy to get me a copy when he invites me and my girlfriends to some big party they'll be having that he got my information for... hmmm... now's the time when I shake my head at being tricked into giving my number to a 70-year-old man.

Whatever. The place is called Dimples and we drove a fucking hour on a Saturday night to get to this place. WORTH IT. Guys, I even yelped about it. I've been yelping a lot, you should friend me on there! Okay back to Dimples. I have them, so I thought that should entitle me to a free drink, right? It didn't but I survived with only an $18 tab... yes, I buy my own drinks now that I've got a dude.

So if you follow me on Twitter, you might have seen the obnoxious build up to when I finally made it up on stage. Sorry for the melodrama... I just can't help myself when I've had a few. Mya excitedly suggested Proud Mary, so Nicole and I volunteered to be her backup dancers. In my head, we killed it. Then I watched the dvd and couldn't stop laughing. There were no "killing it" or anywhere near that*. But I'll just continue to believe that I'm totally freakin' awesome, capiche?

Everyone else did a fabulous job and the host called us the 'hot girls' so that always makes for a successful night. EGO BOOST thank you very much! As the night wore on, it was us, a couple wannabe strippers, some other creepy old dudes, a group of friends and some dudes that were creeping on us (unbeknownst to us until they stalked us outside to our car) . The small crowd made it easier to get on stage and for those of you who haven't done Karaoke, it's addictive. So don't be surprised when you find yourself in front of the crowd for the 3rd time, belting out Bohemian Rhapsody. Yup. Check it out:

I mean... really? I can't even play it off like Nicole in the middle: "oh just having fun up here"

NO. I was taking this shit serious, like I'm fucking Mariah Carey or something. According to Ursula (far left), I'm praising Jesus in that one. I thought I was singing one of the greatest songs of all time, but regardless: take it down a notch, Brooke.

But no, I won't be chilling out. I'm already planning for the next time. I've hatched a plan that involves a hell of a lot more confidence in myself, a cute outfit, and a catalogue of songs to practice that may or may not include The Night the Lights Went Out in Georgia, so that I may be ON TOP OF MY GOD DAMN GAME when we own the stage next.

*Just a note that Mya killed it and the girl's got some pipes!

Foto Friday

2010-01-01T11:32:00.000-08:00

So much meaning to me... what do you see when you look at this?

Jane Austen Book Club

2009-12-31T08:21:00.000-08:00

Have you ever watched the movie Jane Austen Book Club? If you haven't, stop reading this, go rent it, watch it and then come back. I'll wait.

For those of you that have (and hopefully liked it!), you might appreciate what I'm about to tell you: my friends and I are launching our own Jane Austen book club beginning on January 1st! We'll all read one book per month, starting with Emma. On the first Monday of February, we'll meet at Ursula's to discuss it. The idea of dressing up for our meet ups was tossed around but frankly, getting through a Jane Austen book sounds like a large enough feat for me... seriously folks, have you read one of those books? I sure as hell haven't. I had to watch Pride & Prejudice twice to understand what the eff those crazy brits were fighting about (hint: it's men. I think.) Reading it will be another story.

But you know what? I'm up for the challenge. I've always wanted to boast say that I've read classical literature that wasn't assigned by Mrs. Flicker, sophomore honors english. Ahem. (Sidenote: I always thought I was a hot shit reader until I couldn't handle honors english junior year and dropped down to "regular" english halfway through the year. Then I felt like hot shit and smart again. I'm a douche.)

I know for a fact that if I was trying to read a Jane Austen book on my own, I'd put it off for YEARS. Like, maybe when I'm 60 and the kids have finally left the house, I'll pick up the books I've been talking about reading for 40 years. NOPE! I'M DOING IT... um reading the books. Thanks to my friends getting this thing going, we're going to be better, more enlightened people. HA.

Who am I???

2009-12-30T08:28:00.000-08:00

My life is in disarray.

My laundry is perpetually half done, with some of it hanging in my closet and most of it sitting on top of the dryer. I have stacks of Christmas presents that need a home. I have calls to make, bills to pay and shoes to return. My car needs to be gassed up like yesterday. Did I mention that I’ve been going on 7 hours of sleep for the last month? Sometimes it’s been 4. I NEED 8.5 TO FUNCTION.

But I’m not complaining. Really.

The reason behind all this chaos is a promotion, trips to the airport, lending my room to a house guest, working, a huge birthday event, entertaining family + said house guest, working, finally seeing a certain Salty Sailor after way too long, Christmas shopping, working, Christmas eve with my family, Christmas eve with his, Christmas with our families together, my dog collapsing and going to the doggy hospital, working, wait are you still reading this? Because I just realized that I’ve written another list that looks like complaining even though I’m not. REALLY.

Life is good. S.S. left and even though my heart is already aching for him, I’m a little relieved to have my life back after everything that’s occurred this month. All good things… except for my dog collapsing a few days ago. I didn’t find out until later in the night, and the poor thing slept in the doggy hospital and came home Monday all googly-eyed from the drugs. If it weren’t so serious, I would have been laughing at her attempt to make it up the stairs last night all wobbly and zonked out. Poor poochie.

But REALLY. I do love how my December went. So many good things, I wonder what I did to deserve it!

My favorite picture of SS and me <3

Loves it

2009-12-28T10:55:00.000-08:00

My salty sailor arrived home last Sunday after a fairly rocky start (cancelled flights, lost luggage, sleep deprivation, etc.). It took a minute to find our groove, but the last week has been nothing short of FREAKING AWESOME. He met my whole family and my friends, and of course everyone loved him. I went running for the first time in probably 7 months and he was right there by my side.

The future is looking bright (and warm... he decided to leave the Navy in June and will come back here for school!)

I'll stop bragging and get back to normal posts this week :p

Hope everyone had a merry merry!

Tonight, tonight...

2009-12-18T07:37:00.000-08:00

You know, like West Side Story.

Pretty sure we'll break out in a musical when SS and I are reunited tonight, tonight at LAX. Wouldn't that be rad? Out of nowhere, everyone around us starts dancing and singing about how great it is that Brooke and her boy are together again after way too fucking long. They better sing the word "fucking" too. Musicals are always too goody-two-shoes for my tastes. Let's drop a few F-bombs and sing some naughty words. Annnnd I'm done.

Oh, and I'd like to thank the Navy for letting him know AFTER HE BOUGHT HIS TICKET that his leave began yesterday instead of today. Because there's nothing like spending an extra $100 for shits and giggles to fly on a Friday when you're being paid shit money by the government. Not that I'm annoyed or anything.

Regardless, he'll be here tonight and we'll have 9 glorious days together, during which we'll eat fabulous french cuisine, I'll introduce him to my ENTIRE family (HA!), our families will spend Christmas together and we'll just BE together (my LDR friends know how amazing such a simple thing as this can be).

And the last time I saw him, on a skype date awhile ago:

And how are you?

2009-12-15T21:37:00.000-08:00

Things went swimmingly this weekend! I was able to spend lots of time with family and enjoy the company of all those around me without needing to seek asylum in my room. Which was occupied by my cousin Erik, so it's not like I could anyway.

I wore heals for the first time in months. I got my hairrrrr did. I held a baby that was happy to sit with me and and play with little rocks. I ate nummy food (yeah, the party was catered. Nom nom nom.) I got tipsy with the family.

Downside: Erik and everyone else left.

Upside: I HAVE MY ROOM AND MY BED BACK.

Have I mentioned I've been sleeping on the couch for the last 10 days? Well I have. I really was happy to loan my room to one of my favorite people. But seriously guys, do you have weird sleeps and dreams when you're not in your normal routine? Don't even get me started on the Christmas tree that looks like a creepy lurking monster in the dark shadows of the night. And the ornament that started making sounds and lighting up just as I was drifting off to sleep. Not like I peed my pants or anything...

Oh, and p.s. I went to le foot doctor on the 7th and another ganglion cyst had grown. So he injected it with cortisone and aspirated it.... and when I went back this last Monday: ANOTHER G-CYST. Really? Because 2 weren't enough? Last night a snack pack came flying out of the fridge when I opened it and landed, of all places, right on my scar and the home of the cysts. So it either

a) popped it

b) caused another one to form

c) encouraged #3 to bloom.

Awesome.

Friday

2009-12-11T08:28:00.000-08:00

I had the most amazing post planned for today and when I went to find all the pictures I had in mind, they were nowhere to be found. Lovely. Guess I should have planned ahead? Grrrr.....

Anyways, it was going to be really cute pictures of me and my Grandaddy over the years. I'll work on it and hopefully put it up when I have some time. And sleep.

I'm sleep deprived. I haven't been getting more than 7 hours all week and I don't function on anything less than 8. Then last night, I had 5. Did I mention I'm interviewing 2 people and training another today? GREAT timing. By the way, one of the side affects of me not getting enough sleep is uber bitchiness. That also happens when I don't eat. But seriously. I'm feeling anxious and ready to lash out. Help me.

Things I love Thursday

2009-12-10T07:44:00.001-08:00

December

Never before has the 12th month been so good to me. On the 2nd, I had a 'job interview' (it was a meeting with my boss and HR offering the new position to me). By the 4th, I was in the new position, complete with a new desk and a pay increase. On Saturday night, my cousin Erik flew into LAX from Mallorca (a lonnnnng ass flight, people).

That's Erik and me in Mallorca!

We've spent the week staying up too late, eating greasy American food and shopping at large malls. Next up, his sister flies in from Paris, the other sister (and her children) from Montana, his brother (and his family), along with the parentals from Seattle. All 11. Phew.

They're all convening for my Grandaddy's big 80th birthday bash on Saturday. ANOTHER reason I'm stoked about December.

Next Friday night, my love flies in from Norfolk for 10 days of Christmas festivities and fun! Then Christmas eve, where THE WHOLE DAMN FAMILY gets together and it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy. Seriously, we all like each other!

So couple all of that with adjusting to my new job and life is SUPA DUPA busy, yo. But I love it, truly!

A little pause...

2009-12-08T18:39:00.000-08:00

Hello lovahhs! Forgive me for a lack of posting this week. Yesterday was my grandfather's 80th birthday, which we'll be celebrating with a HUGE bday bash on Saturday... that relatives have flown in from around the world to attend (Paris, Mallorca, etc.!). My mom's cousin Erik (who I stayed with while I was traveling this summer) is currently chillen with us here, so I'm taking a break from being obsessed with my computer and reading your blogs. Gotta do that face-to-face time here and there, ya know?

Oh yeah, and I started my first day in the office for my new promotion today. It went well and I didn't want to slit my wrists from being in a cubicle again. The compromise is mixing cubicle time with working the parties on the weekends. I hope this is the right cocktail for me, in terms of keeping my sanity.

I promise a lovely post on Friday and maybe a lil' nugget on Thursday. Hope you're all having a great week.... Mine's crazier than ever and I lurve it :)

Foto Friday

2009-12-04T08:13:00.000-08:00

This one time, I hung out with a guy from high school that I barely knew, who was home on leave from the Navy before his last deployment...

Then it blossomed into love over email during his 7 month deployment... until he came home on my birthday this year (coincidence). I liked him so much that I trusted him with my life...

...Then he asked me to be his girlfriend. I hesitated. I HESITATED. IDIOT! But only for like one day... Then I traveled halfway across the world for 2 months while he waited for me to come back to him.... I did, and we took lots of goofy pictures...

Umm, going hunting perhaps?

He's always so serious, so I decided to do a little role reversal...

...My Salty Sailor is coming home on the 19th!!! It's been 3 long months and we'll finally be reunited :)

Happy Friday!

Exciting News!

2009-12-03T09:16:00.000-08:00

Big stuff, my friends: I got a promotion!

There have a been a few whispers over the last few weeks (i.e., I was told by 2 people that the gig was mine) but yesterday I officially accepted the position! It's part-time, guaranteed 25 hours/week... but probably more. The pay is better, but I won't be jet-setting to St. Bart's anytime soon, know what I mean?

Here's the thing. I work weird hours and although I will have some more "normal-office hours," I will still be working most weekends. Except I don't mind. That's right, going to work at 9am on a Saturday morning doesn't even faze me. In fact, I actually like it. I LIKE MY JOB. Do you know how good this feels??? Warm fuzzies all around, and I thank my lucky stars everyday that I enjoy going to work and my coworkers are pleasant to be around.

1 Year ago, I was slowly realizing that my job at The Corporation was not fulfilling. Not only that, but I was starting to dislike it. By March, I was getting stomach aches when I hit a specific point in my commute. My brain was like "Oh, we're turning right on Red Hill now... let's start working on that Ulcer now, shall we?" Some days, I couldn't even eat. But the people around me? AWESOME. I wish I could take them with me to my new job. The job didn't really stress them like it did me, so that's how I knew it just wasn't a good fit for yours truly.

The people are a little different at The Non-profit. Granted, I don't really know the "office" people very well, save my boss. But they seem fairly reserved in comparison to my buds at The Corporation, where we gabbed and generally avoided work as much as possible (but got our shit done). Hopefully I can make a few friends beyond the professional level. I sound like I'm off to my first day of school, worried about making friends with the popular crowd. Ew. For the record, I was not one of them in high school. I was a Cross Country runner who couldn't go to the party on Friday night because I had to be up at 5am for my god damn race 2 hours away. But I digress...

I will have my own desk and business cards! People will ask me questions like I'm knowledgeable and semi-important! I will get a paycheck that will allow me to pay off my car, my monthly student loans and (eventually) my credit card, and still have a tiny bit left over! I won't have to wait 3 months until I see my Salty Sailor again... I'll have some cash to visit and take him on a romantical date!

Good things are happening :)

While you're shopping on Black Friday...

2009-11-27T08:07:00.000-08:00

I will be working! But really, I'm okay with it. I hate crowds and pushy people, so Black Friday is like my personal hell. Plus, you had to be up at like 3am to get the deals (um, Old Navy, really?), so if you're reading this and you partook in Black Friday, you've probably already been done for 5 hours. For the rest of you, enjoy your Friday and the weekend... it's about 80 degrees out here in SoCal, so I'll be enjoying mine :D

It's that time of year again...

2009-11-24T10:20:00.000-08:00

Valerie's birthday!

I know, I know. You thought this was gonna be about Thanksgiving or some "holiday" crap. Then you're like, "who the hell is Valerie?"

That's my baby sister. She's now 18, and ready to buy porn, cigarettes and lotto tickets, and ride her bike sans helmet without having to dodge the 5-0. Anyone wanna guess as to which she's most excited about?

Things I enjoy about my sister:
*We're great at communicating (We've mastered the art of condensing 5 minutes of conversation into one look. I'm not even kidding)
*We're able to be happy for each other without jealousy (like if she farts and I can hear it in the other room, I'll go congratulate Valerie on her impressive acoustics, and vice versa)
*She has fantastic style ("Hey Valerie, can I borrow your green top? ...Okay good because I'm already wearing it...")
*We can learn new things from each other all the time

"WAIT! You don't know what a FUPA is?? Lemme tell youuuu"-Me

or the classic:
"DGAF"-Valerie
"WTF is DGAF?"-Me

Happy birthday to my favorite sister!

(Paris!)

(Modeling in a haute couture fashion show at Nordstrom)

(We found juggling balls!)

(Duck tour in D.C.)

Chupacabra Fight!

2009-11-23T20:34:00.000-08:00

I haven't seen New Moon yet and probably won't for a while. Why would I when I have Guillermo to translate a funny version?!

Boombox

2009-11-21T15:38:00.000-08:00

The locations, the dancing, the music, the dude... UH-MAZING.

Foto Friday

2009-11-20T08:04:00.000-08:00

Back in the day, when I was a wee Brookie, I wanted boobs. No kidding, I always wanted to be "older" and the women that I viewed as older had boobs. I also wanted to change my name to Linda, but that's a different story.

Fun fact: juggling balls underneath my shirt gave me BOOBS!

I was a homing device for juggling balls. If they were at your house, I would find them. Then you would find them in my shirt.

Naturally, I was flat chested well into high school.

An ode to my bed

2009-11-19T07:10:00.000-08:00

Do you guys read 1000 Awesome things? Their post today about coming back to your own bed after a long trip got me thinking about my amazing bed. First of all, it's used. Are you grossed out? Don't be. It wasn't in a frat house or used by a whore. According to the girl I bought it from who was trying to sell it for $500 (HA!), it is an $800 bed (it was implied that this was really expensive and therefore a REALLY good bed). Whatever, I got her down to $150 and I've never regretted it. In hindsight, I would gladly pay her $500.

My bed is the most comfortable bed I've slept on in years. Bar none. When I'm away, my mom comes into my room and crashes on it. The dog hops up when nobody's looking to take in the comfort (ok, I actually have to beg her to keep me company in my room). When I'm away, laying on a 3-inch thick mattress in a Paris hostel, or sleeping next to the boyf in Virginia, all I can think is DANG! Wouldn't it be wonderful if I could drag this thing along with me everywhere I go? Like magically, it could fold up blowup mattress style and when I'm ready to hit the hay, I just kinda shake it out real fast and it pops up to it's normal size and comfort level.

Because lemme tell you. I DO NOT sleep on anything but that. My eyes might close for a bit, but it's a guaranteed toss 'n' turn kinda night. It may or may not also have to do with being safely cacooned in home in my own room, but no other place can give me what the $150 hand-me-down bed has given me in the last 3 years. Praise be to the Mattress God, for he hath shined his mattressy light upon me.

I love it

2009-11-18T08:19:00.000-08:00

I would like to announce that I. AM. SORE.

Yes, my dears, I went to the gym. And worked out. For the first time in a long time. I've gone a few times during the foot issue, but definitely not since my surgery. Das a lawwwwwng time for me. I am that annoying person who loves to work out. I live for the burn, to push myself to the edge, to be dripping buckets of sweat. For me, that is satisfaction.

In February, I was running 5 miles, 5 times a week. I had finally accomplished my running goal and I was ready to start training for a 1/2 or full marathon. I was also ignoring some pain in my foot. After a month or two of this pain, I was on a run (the 5 mile kind) and Spongebob reared his ugly head, forcing me to limp home for 2.5 miles. Not a happy memory. I ran a few times after that, but really haven't consistently run since then. I continued to work out in other ways, like riding the bike and taking group fitness classes. Walked all over Europe with slight twinges of pain, but mostly I was okay. Came back, had the surgery blah blah you know the story.

On Monday, the doc gave me the thumbs up to start doing lower body workouts, and in 3 weeks I CAN RUN AGAIN. Wait, did you catch that? Hold on, I'll repeat it: In 3 weeks, I can do the thing that calms my mind, gives me purpose on a lackluster day (and euphoria on a good one), and generally keeps the bitchiness at bay.... RUN!

Now I don't want to get ahead of myself, so in the mean time, I'll be working the heck out of my glutes, quads, biceps, etc.... and enjoying every ache and pain (the good kind, not the kind that signals a GANGLION CYST, Damn it).

Weekend Recap

2009-11-15T09:40:00.000-08:00

2 things:

I had a fantastic weekend...

and I finally tried oatmeal with egg stirred in.

First off: Oatmeal. I've been thinking about trying this recipe for nearly a month. I kept forgetting until Daddy Likey put it in Blogback mountain. I worked late on Sunday so I had no excuse. Let me tell you, this stuff is RICH. Custardy (that a word?) and sweet. It's like dessert for breakfast. I couldn't have it everyday but it's a recipe I'll be eating for a long time. Just remember to stir REAL quick-like when you crack the egg into it. I still had little egg bits in mine but it wasn't gross or weird.

Now about that awesome weekend I had...

Friday night, I went out with some of my old coworkers. I've said it before and I'll say it again, these people are the only reason I liked my job at the corporation. They kept me sane... actually we were probably all just insane together, which is why we survived. They're all still there (they like their jobs). We ate dinner at Sol, which is this fancy-pants restaurant in Newport Beach, yet I got a taco for $4. Cheap eats... mommy like.

I worked Saturday, then got ready for an evening in LA with Mya and her friend Khara. Mya just so happened to do a photo shoot with this amazing artist (naturally, I can't remember her last name so it's impossible to google "Melinda" and find her). The viewing included 3 other artists and was held at an incredible house in Pacific Palisades. The view: awesome! The show: Beautiful (especially Mya's piece... seriously Mya!). I also happened to gorge myself on all the gourmet food that was being passed around... I had the best artichoke dip I've ever tasted. Nom nom nom.

Khara met up with us, and we headed down to the Purple Lounge at the Standard Hotel. The Purple Lounge had a neat design (yes it was purple), but we had to walk through the restaurant to get to it. I've gotta say, the restaurant and the bathroom in the hotel were the tackiest things I've seen. The Standard has a 60's vibe, very retro. But those two areas were just plain tacky. To be fair, I've yet to see one of the rooms, and the front lobby was cool. Maybe I just need to go back and stay there!

Khara was really cool... I love meeting new people who are smart, fun and very friendly right off the bat. It's something that can be hard to find in Southern California, which Mya and I talked about. That's another post for a different day. Anyways, the 3 of us had a good time and it was nice to go out some place different than usual.

That was pretty much my weekend... Did you have a good one?

In case you were wondering...

2009-11-14T14:58:00.000-08:00

Happy Veteran's Day

2009-11-11T09:15:00.000-08:00

I have a confession to make: I never thought too much about Veteran's day until now. Since I'm dating a military man, I've gone through the ups and downs with him that most people outside of the military don't necessarily know about (I sure didn't before now). Today, he's on duty (on the boat for 24 hours) and standing watch (literally standing with a gun in his hand, in case Al-Qaeda decides to attack his ship, for 5 hours at a time) for a total of 15 hours today. Yuck.

SS also works so many jobs that I can never keep them straight. He's a search and rescue swimmer, a postman for the ship, a supply officer and a couple other things. I can't keep track and I apologize for not doing him justice. Luckily, he's not "in the sandbox" over in the middle east. I can't imagine what that would be like, and I have so much respect for the men and women (and families) that have to deal with that.

But along with my confession comes some embarrassment. You see, both my grandfathers were in the Navy. I should have been up to speed with this whole Veteran's day and understanding their sacrifices a LONG TIME AGO.

My paternal grandfather, "Grandpa," served in the mid-forties. He was an engineer and was on the cruiser Vicksburg when the Japanese surrendered at Tokyo Bay, along with spending time off the coast of Okinawa and Iwojima. He later spent time in Vietnam working with the military through a private company.

My maternal grandfather, "Grandaddy," served in the mid-fifties. He was involved in rescuing passengers on the Andrea Doria. Grandaddy even got a room key from one of the stewards during all the chaos, a souvenir that I believe he still has today. He went on to serve in the reserves for quite a few years.

Grandpa passed away in 2006. I'm lucky to still have Grandaddy around. I'm also lucky to have a better understanding (and appreciation) for what these men and women do daily. For them, it's a job. But to me and many other people, it's a huge sacrifice made on behalf of the country they love.

So thank you to every veteran.

My new whip

2009-11-09T11:34:00.000-08:00

On Friday, I adopted a new baby. It's an 18-year-old baby but she's still new to me.

The best part about her:

Pimpin Since '92. Sweet right? I think this was a way for a certain 17-year-old I know to feel better about driving a car that was older than him in an area where kids get brand new $30,000 cars for their birthdays. But I've been pimpin' since '86 so it just won't work for me ;)

The car is in better condition than some half it's age. I've got a/c, a cd player, good gas mileage, and the thing picks up decently, which I learned when I got on the freeway this morning as a truck was barreling towards me with no indication of slowing down.

I'm thinking of calling her The Gray Lady. Any other suggestions?

Laying it out there

2009-11-06T07:52:00.000-08:00

Enough of this Foto Friday crap when I can't even put up a normal weeks' worth of posts. I'm not copping out today.

So listen: when it rains, it pours. Or maybe: when it's misty, I just get pissed that my hair fros, my makeup is messed up and my clothes are wet, without the fun of real rain. Then I slip in a puddle and scuff those cute new boots. The reality is it's not that bad but the littlest thing can become a nightmare if other things are off kilter. Know what I mean?

Example: My life since I got back from my travels. I spent my last chunk of money to see my long distance boyfriend. Once I got home, I was broke with no job, no car and a butt-load of credit card debt. It's true, I failed to heed Suze Orman's advice (one time thing, I assure you). So I got a job and although it isn't something I'll be doing for a career, I work with good people and it pays the bills.

Except then I had to have foot surgery which essentially wiped my account clean of the little savings I'd begun to build. Since then, I've been out of work for 3 weeks with no paycheck and bills adding up.

During all this, the boyfriend got a job offer to stay in the navy, IN NORFOLK for another 4 years. Ughhh. That threw me for a major loop, after I'd felt safe enough to make plans knowing that he'd decided to leave the navy for good and come back to California in June.

My life felt more mixed up in the last 2 months than it has in my entire life. To top that off, I couldn't even run the stress away. I couldn't do much at all, really. It was a true test of learning how to manage the stress in new ways and not allowing all this to get me so down. Sometimes I did okay and sometimes I really let things get to me.

But things have been picking up over the last week. I have a car! It's in the shop right now but I'll have it by this weekend. Gone are the days of sheepishly asking for rides or waiting an extra hour to be picked up from work. I got a sweet deal too! I'm also back to work starting this afternoon. I work 2 jobs at the same place and the job I really like gave me great hours starting back. Unfortunately, the second job is not as busy so I'm "on call" for half my shifts right now. That just won't work for me, so it's time to job hunt for another gig to fill in those hours during the week.

So that's my update. I got all my negative Nancy-ness off my chest and hopefully things will continue to move forward in a positive direction!

Oh and here's a picture of my old coworker Diane and me, 6 months ago exactly at an Angel's game:

Happy Early Birthday, D!

Experimenting

2009-11-05T16:39:00.000-08:00

Do you read my blog in your reader or do you come visit the site each day?

It's something I often wonder: how many people use readers versus visiting each site they love to read.

I read all the blogs through my reader. The upside is that it's all neatly compiled and certain feeds that were blocked at my old job (i.e., perez hilton) were funneled successfully into my reader! The downside is that it makes a lazy person like me less likely to leave comments since it involves actually going to the site. SO much extra work... yeah, I can be that lazy sometimes.

So let me know! Even if you never comment, it'd be interesting if you give me a heads up.

Future? What future?

2009-11-04T12:35:00.001-08:00

I've been spending far too much time with my thoughts lately since I've been unable to work. Fortunately, I go back on Friday! I never thought I'd be exited to work again but DAMN I am broke as a joke.

During these three weeks spent lying on the couch, I've watch a lot of HGTV and Bravo, baked and cooked more than I have in my entire life, and contemplated where I've been and where I'm going. That last one's dangerous to think about for someone living at home, barely scraping by at a job that certainly won't lead to a career. Sometimes I think about my trip and how I probably wouldn't be in this position right now if I had stayed at my god-forsaken job... I would have been promoted by now. But then I would probably be absolutely miserable. I also wouldn't have traveled on my own, experienced the things I did and learned as much about myself as I did. I can't change anything, nor do I really want to.

I really think that for the first time in my life, I really have no clue where I'll be or what I'll be doing even three months from now. As a very strategic planner-type, that scares the bajeezus out of me. Certain people in my life would probably say that's a good place for me to be, that I need to stop planning and start living more. That may be true. Except that makes me feel like a blind-folded tightrope walker... No thanks!

Shmappy Shmalloween

2009-10-30T08:21:00.000-07:00

Hey there. Yes, I know. I've been neglecting the Republic. I'm sorry... no excuses. But today is Foto Friday and I thought, "hey, the least I can do is post a damn picture."

So that's what I'm doing today. I present to you, Halloween pasts

First up, the infamous Deer in the Headlights picture that certain people (*cough* AJ *Cough) love so much:

Then we have what I wore the night before. It's one of those costumes that sounds SO FUN in theory. Then you spend hours making it and it sags, the dress is not fitting right and people look at you like you're an idiot, not clever as you'd imagined...

Luckily, I didn't look like a total nut, since there were other 'games' I dressed up with:

I still haven't even gotten to the halfway point with my costume. I'm just not into it this year. I missed out on a chance to spend the weekend in New York, the BF is in VA and I'm still recovering which means no sassy heels on my feet to spice up a costume. BUM FOOT!

Have a great weekend!

Oh, my lovely weekend

2009-10-19T09:59:00.000-07:00

Please allow me to regale you with my fantastic tale of nausea, sausage toes and sushi.

Let's begin with Friday. Surgery was at 3, which called for no food or drink after 7:30, 8 hours before, 12 hours before or midnight. Take your pick because I had 5 different people each tell me a different time. I went with the anesthesiologist's suggestion (7:30am). Try filling out important paperwork after fasting for 7 hours... I had to think twice about whether I was of mexican decent when doing a brief survey. I don't do well without food and water.

So in I went, to change into my gorgeous surgery outfit, complete with super awkward underwear they made me wear instead of my own. Not sure exactly why it was necessary for me to wear what can only be described as grandma in the front, Brazilian in the back. But they were 100% cotton and that was part of the reason.

What, did you think I was going to show you a picture of my awkward undies?

Then I waited on the bed for 40 minutes, with my mom by my side, until Dr. Monkey decided to grace us with his presence 30 minutes after my surgery was to start. While we waited, my mom tortured me with the camera. It's kinda hard to tell, but I didn't have much mobility, between the IV on my hand and the blood pressure cuff on my other arm. So that explains this video:

The doc finally came in and they wheeled me away. The last thing I remember is the doctor and nurses lifting me up to put me on the operating table. Then I woke up. Everything after the surgery is really blurry, except I remember asking the doctor if I could see the cyst. Despite my complete aversion to blood and all bodily functions besides farts and burps, I was oddly ok with seeing the little guy. Alas, the Doc wasn't into showing me.

Prepped for surgery

Friday night was miserable, full of nausea, vomiting and a complete inability to do anything for myself. Woke up every 4 hours for vicodin and antibiotics. Saturday, the nausea ebbed and flowed, while my toes looked like vienna sausages poking out of my bandages. I should clarify that I already have Fred Flintstone toes, but this just made them more pronounced. And sausage-like.

It's amazing how much crap is on television, but nothing worth watching came on until TLC had their Say Yes to the Dress marathon in the evening. Nothing will take your mind off a throbbing foot like bridezillas and bitchy bridesmaids. Other than that, the tv should be ashamed of how little it had to offer this poor cripple girl during her time of need.

I thought Sunday would bring relief, but it was probably the worst of all 3 days. I took my last vicodin at 9am and was nauseas until almost 3. The kind of nauseas that will have you sticking fingers down your throat, shaking your head in circles, and imagining why sticking your head in the toilet bowl is so disgusting, just to induce relief in the form of you-know-what. It didn't work. You know what did? Holding a little 4 month old baby. Put the baby in my arms and BOOM I feel great and I'm cooing over her little blue eyes and sausage thighs and, oh I'm not nauseas anymore. Best relief EVER. After that, I was able to eat a bit and actually focus my eyes.

With the miracle child that healed me

My appetite came back with a vengeance yesterday around 6:30, so I went to happy hour at RA with some girlfriends and finally at like normal person! Nothing like sushi to cheer me up.

Moral of this story: never taking vicodin again. Anyone else have a similar experience with this devil drug?

Foto Friday

2009-10-16T08:21:00.000-07:00

And now I'll impress upon you my love for Gaudi and why spending only 1 day in Barcelona is never okay:

This is about when I started hyperventilating.

Details much?

I know, right?

Rooftop love

Sagrada Familia... just incredible.

Park Guell, will you move to my town please?

The best person to share it with!

The end of our amazing, Gaudi filled day in Barcelona. I was in heaven :)

The moral of this story is never to assume that the ferry from Ibiza to Barcelona runs on the day you plan to leave. Most likely, it'll run on all the days except the one you plan to head to the city you'd rather spend more time in. As my cousin Erik says, "it's all part of the experience."

It's coming...

2009-10-15T07:19:00.000-07:00

Cue the ominous music:

Today is Thursday and tomorrow is Friday.

Before you say DUH, I'll have you know that Friday is D-Day. Surgery on my foot. And I need to let you all know I'm nervous. Forget the painful healing process, I'm nervous about my potentially awful reaction to the anesthesia followed by my guaranteed embarrassing ramblings during the car ride home. Did you know my mom is so loving that she took black mail photos after my last time with anesthesia when I had my wisdom teeth pulled? Yes, she's an angel. And this time, she told me that she'll remember to bring the video camera. FANTASTIC!

If I don't throw myself off a cliff out of sheer humiliation, I might end up posting it. I'm not one to keep anything funny from the world, even if it's at the cost of my dignity. I'm very unselfish like that.

I also can't eat for like 56 bajillion hours before the surgery. I'm an eater and a water guzzler (not to mention I need my coffee in the morning!!). This does not bode well for me... or those around me.

Monday

2009-10-12T17:08:00.000-07:00

I don't have much to say today... this weekend was a long one for me, and frustrating at times for more than one reason. Monday isn't depressing for me in the way that it is for people on a 'normal' work schedule since this Monday is like my Thursday. I've been working straight since last Thursday, and I get a day off on Wednesday... Yay!!!

Things that made me happy recently:

*$25 tip at one of the parties I hosted this weekend

*I got over my fear of housesitting (I actually slept through the night and didn't manage to completely freak myself out or set off any alarms, which has happened before!)

*Coffee date with my dear friend, E from my sorority days

*Found out my mom's cousin is coming in December. I love him and I'm ecstatic!

*Figured out my Halloween costume, which could only get better if I have a bum foot :)

Now go read this nifty article that will remind you why blogging is great... hey, our generation isn't a failure like many would have us believe!

Foto Friday

2009-10-09T09:19:00.000-07:00

This one time, I went to Ibiza and on the last night I was there I finally got a chance to watch one of their world famous sunsets... except it was overcast. FML.

Spongebob, Ganglion cyst

2009-10-08T07:02:00.000-07:00

I finally feel a little peace about my life right now.

After my crazy ramblings on Tuesday, I went out and bought a planner. I just can't rely on my blackberry to keep tabs on my life. There's nothing like good ol' fashion pen and paper to organize my life... know what I mean? I think technology makes me crazy sometimes. Too much time spent on the BB, on my computer, or in front of the t.v. just zaps the little attention span that I have. Anyways, I have everything I need to keep track of, on paper safe in my purse. That baby will be by my side at all hours of the day.

Another thing I've been dealing with is the crazy ganglion cyst in my foot. I went in for my 4th appointment with Dr. Monkey, who kept it entertaining by making jokes about me being pregnant and then using the ultra sound on my foot and exclaiming "IT'S A BOY!" The man is a little looney, but keeps me laughing. Oh, and the pregnancy jokes began when he asked whether there's a possibility of such, since I'M GETTING SURGERY.

Not only has it not gone away, but Spongebob (as Dr. Monkey aptly named the spongy cyst residing in my foot) has about doubled in size. This sucker is not going away until Doc wields his scalpel and slices it to bits. Check it out:

Please ignore my 6 week old pedicure...

The blue marks are the dimensions of my cyst and the red mark is, oh you know, just some major vein or artery. Thanks Spongebob, for planting yourself in a very inconvenient spot. Whatever. I just want to be able to walk (and eventually run 26.2 miles) without random, shooting pains in my arch.

Okay, and don't even get me started about the lab work I had done right afterwards... The guy had to use a 25 cc needle, which is what they normally use on 5 year olds. I have non existent veins in my arms. Then apparently I moved a millimeter and it popped out. Meanwhile, I'm white as a ghost, preparing to vomit all over him and he jabs the "big juicy vein" in my hand. HE TALKED ME THROUGH IT. Rule number 1: don't ever talk a queazy, blood-intolerant person through a botched lab procedure that involves jabbing needles into said person's hand.

Then he made jokes about my blood being cold. Until I realized he wasn't joking. I HAVE COLD BLOOD. For real people, is that possible?

I am such a freak.

I'm going bananas

2009-10-06T09:33:00.000-07:00

I have a confession to make. Actually, a few: I have the memory of an ant, I'm terrible at keeping track of times (like when I'm supposed to be somewhere important), I can't get through a page of a book without my mind drifting to off to lala land and I often can't even finish the blogs that I so desperately want to read. Sounds like ADD right?

I can't figure it out. For the last few months, it's been so bad that I've considered going to the doctor to find out what's really causing this stuff. Like, HELLO! I'm too young to be losing my mind, and that's exactly how it feels. But last night I had an epiphany: maybe it's the lack of exercise and running. Because I HAVEN'T RUN IN 6 MONTHS and when you go from having runs like this, to basically sedentary... oh wait what was I saying? Sorry, I drifted off as I stared into the pretty clouds outside. No, I'm not joking. That just happened.

Ya'll know about my ganglion cyst. Tomorrow is the big day that I go in and (hopefully) book the surgery. I want him to tell me that he can cut me open the next day. I want the healing process to start asap because this is so much worse than just my foot hurting. DOCTOR! I'M LOSING MY MIND!

Now excuse me while I go harvest my crops on Farmville... the only activity that can keep my short attention span. Barf.

Watch out, Martha...

2009-10-01T07:49:00.000-07:00

I am becoming a domestic goddess.

It all started a few years ago when I expressed interest in learning to cook. My mom has cooked nutritious, yummy meals for years and I've always marveled from afar, enjoying every bite. I told myself that when I graduated from college and moved back home, I would learn how to cook... Well it took a little more than that to get me motivated.

After feasting on fresh pasta, veggie, cheese and wine across France, Spain and Italy, I suddenly had the motivation I'd been looking for. I wanted know how to create such simple meals that both satisfied my taste buds and seemed relatively easy to make. Side note: I've now realized that some of those meals are probably only "simple" for the Italian chef cooking in the back. Regardless, food had lost its intimidating power over me.

I also made it part of my 101 list, and I finish everything I start so there were only two options: make a bunch of crappy meals to meet that goal, or actually get something out of it. I don't like tasting mediocre food, so we can all see where this one is going.

On top of all that, my mom's been working a bit more lately, while I was sitting on my derriere, unemployed (until last week!). So I asked my family if they would give me some honest feed back while I cooked a few meals each week. Instead of seeing pure horror in their eyes, they were actually receptive.

I've cooked quite a few meals since then, including eggplant parmesan last night. This was an intimidating meal, simply because there always seemed to be a lot of dishes to load after a meal like this (have I ever mentioned that I'm the queen of loading the dishwasher? I could teach a class! Win awards! Make a lucrative career out of it!). Plus, mother dear always cooks it in her biggest Le Creuset dish. Never a good sign. Except it wasn't that difficult. Yes, there were some extra steps. But breading the eggplant was simple: plop it in the flour dish, coating both sides. Then press it in the egg whites, and finishing it off with the panko break crumbs. I baked thirteen 1-inch slices of eggplant, then put it in the Big Scary Dish, coated it with marinara sauce, mozzarella and parmesan, and BAM. In the oven for 30 minutes, and out came a beautiful, fresh dish. Did I mention the eggplants were grown in my dad's garden? I know, right?

While my feast was cooking, I whipped up some hummus, practicing how to make something "by taste". I added more of this or that to create some easy dip for my lunch tomorrow. I had to ask my mom to pick her jaw up off the floor.

So the point of all this is not to brag, although it is quite a feat for a girl like me. The thing is, a task that used to be so foreign to me, so out of my realm, has become completely within my ability. I understand the process, and I really enjoy learning from my mother who still has so much wisdom to impart upon me :) If you're intimidated by cooking but enjoy reading, I suggest you snag a copy of Martha Stewart's Cooking School. Learn the difference between mincing and dicing! No, I did not know the difference 3 weeks ago, thank you very much.

As a side note, I've become an efficient and effective grocery shopper. Cooking keeps you pretty damn in tune with the kitchen and what might be missing, like when you need ginger. And you used the last bit yesterday...

Whodathunkit?

I love My Dog

2009-09-29T07:25:00.000-07:00

We have sad news in the Round Robin group. AJ's beloved dog, Buster was hit by a car and died on Saturday. The three of us mention our pups from time to time on our blogs, and our animals are very much apart of our lives. Most of you have cats, dogs, lizards, etc., so I'm sure you can empathize with losing your best furry bud.

Give your little buddy an extra hug/kiss/squeeze today. I will be canoodling with Lola until she squirms away.

P.S. If you've never listened to "I Love My Dog" by Cat Stevens, give it a go today.

The Republic of Brooke

Evolution

The Overshare

One Year Later

Foto Friday

Life

Foto Friday

Setback

The Best Me

Foto Friday

Love Letters

Foto Friday

Strength is in the oaks

Foto Friday

Taking the leap

Paleo Challenge

Foto Friday

Happy Birthday Mom and Dad!

For a giggle

Yelp!

Fix You is just an overplayed Coldplay song

It's a Man's world

Foto Friday

Anonymous Comments

Deleted and owned by blogger

Monday

Secrets

Called out

Life

RIP

Dating conundrum

Foto Friday

My Saturday night...

Foto Friday

Huntin' Time

March on!

#64: Try Ethiopian food

Foto Friday

My First Harley Ride

Crossfit and Paleo... yes, I've been sucked in.

101 Things in 1001 Days *Update*

Foto Friday

I love You

Choice

Weekend Recap

Happy Friday!

Crossfit

How?

Tweet Tweet

Foto Friday

Wah wahhhh

Linky loo

Foto Friday

Book Club update

Love Letters

Foto Friday

I love airports.

Monday

Foto Friday

Love Letters

Anonymous

Here's the deal.

RIP Lola

Karaoke!

Foto Friday

Jane Austen Book Club

Who am I???

Loves it

Tonight, tonight...

And how are you?

Friday

Things I love Thursday

A little pause...

Foto Friday

Exciting News!

While you're shopping on Black Friday...

It's that time of year again...

Chupacabra Fight!

Boombox

Foto Friday

101 Things in 1001 Days Update